2 years ago, i was pregnant. and 2 years ago, at 10 weeks pregnant, we said good-bye to our little bean. how do you love someone with all of your heart that you have never met before? how do you miss someone so much that you've never even met? i don't know. and i don't know if over time, you finally get over it. or if the memory of it all begins to blur so that with each passing year not every little thing will be a reminder of that experience. it was only one miscarriage. i admire mamas who have persevered through more. it took a lot out of me to deal with one, i can't imagine how you would get through two, or three, or four...
i suppose i'm not really sad about it, because i know i'll meet this sweet baby eventually. but everyday, there are reminders of this baby all around me. the orchid we received from a friend when we found out about the loss. it blooms every year (and i'm not that great at caring for orchids). the change in the weather as spring arrives reminds my senses of that particular time. seeing my nephew, sam, who was supposed to share the same due date as our little bean. and holding my sweet baby gibson...
i don't see these constant reminders as a bad thing. it doesn't bring me sorrow or pain. sure, i have a few cry-fest moments during this particular week in april. but most of all, these constant reminders, brings me sweet memories. sweet memories of God's love and His mercy. sweet memories of his constant faithfulness in our lives. sweet memories of His kindness through our friends and family that supported us through that time. sweet memories of how He works all things out for good...
...and life is good.
3 comments:
Wow, I never knew. My thoughts are with you and once again you amaze me with your thoughtful and uplifting approach toward life. Hugs.
My thoughts are with you Prasti. 8years ago on February 22, we said good-bye to our little beanette at 24 weeks and a c-section. At least we got to hold her but it was not long enough. Not a year goes by that we don't miss her dearly. I know this is a silly little gesture but maybe it will help you. I go to the beach with a balloon or two on her day and send it to her. Moms all around give up so much, more than we know until it happens to us. God Bless our children in heaven. Tricia
Maybe they are playing with each other...yours (Prasti's and Tricia's)and ours....it was 3 1/2 years ago when we lost our baby bean....
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