right now

i feel like i'm living in a dream.  i feel exhausted.  so tired yet my brain won't turn off to allow for rest, because it's going a mile a minute...

(maybe if i just write it all out...)

...thoughts that consume me of people i love that are experiencing much pain.  it is a welcome "burden" to be praying for them daily.  even to the point that i can't fall asleep until i have done so.

it's hard to watch things fall apart before your very eyes.  seeing devastation that affects me and the people i love.  it's hard because you feel like there's nothing you can do.  it feels so out of control.  it feels hopeless.

a friend of ours offered some very wise words last night that i've been mulling over all day:

"there needs to be brokenness before healing can happen."

when things fall apart, don't make sense or feel out of control all i can do is hold on to the only truth i have: Jesus.

i know he is in control, and all i need to do is trust, even when i have no idea what will happen.  now in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control.  at present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to him (hebrews 2:8).

i know in all this brokenness he brings us redemption, healing, grace and mercy, because his love for us goes beyond our understanding.  for as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us, as a father shows compassion on his children, so the lord shows compassion to those who fear him (psalm 103:11-13).

i don't know what the future holds, and i don't know how things will work out.  but i have faith that God will work things out.  now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (hebrews 11:1).

there is still so much going on.  so much to consider.  so much to understand.  so much to pray for.  but despite all that i am thankful that i have hope...

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