minivan vs. pride

for some of you who have known me a while, you may know that i dislike minivans.  i have plenty of minivan driving friends (i have even been seen a few times inside a minivan...), but i would never consider owning one myself.  if i had to choose between a brand new minivan and a 10 year old car, i would take the old car.  really.  i would never be caught dead driving a minivan (umm...okay, i did drive one once last year and it was nice but i felt very uncomfortable and would never actually admit that i enjoyed the experience).

for years i have been resistant to the whole owning a minivan thing.  years.  even if it may be the practical option and made the most sense for our growing family (as of now we have maxed out our seating capacity...we can't even transport guests in our car).  no way would i drive one.  if i'm going to be driving a van it better be something like this...

gigantic. huge.  plowing through traffic jams and heavy snow.  everyone will automatically get out of my way.

from my perspective, there's a certain stigma associated with mamas driving minivans.  and i would NOT be one of those moms.

until the good Lord slapped me upside the head and said, "you cotton headed ninimugins!  get over your pride." okay he didn't really say that, but he made it loud and clear that i was being very stupid and prideful and that i should just get over myself.

you see, it's not the minivan.  it's my pride.  it's my self-image.  it's my cool-factor.  i pride myself in being different, standing out, set apart.  for who?  not for the Lord, but for me.  this huge claim i make about my disdain for minivans should be called out for what it is...pride (some of you may think i'm a little nuts to be getting all this from a minivan, but in all honesty it has been a total reality check).

how can i maintain that cool, hip, babywearing, indie shopping, tattooed mama image when i'm driving a minivan?  who. cares.  really.  why do i care what other people think of me?  why should i seek the approval of other men and women?  ultimately it doesn't count for anything. 

for am i now seeking the approval of man, or God? or am i trying to please man? if i were still trying to please man, i would not be a servant of Christ. - galations 1:10 (esv)

but our citizinshep is in heaven, and from it we await our savior, the lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. - philippians 3:20-21 (esv)

when i define myself based on what other people may think of me or based on some image i have to maintain instead of defining myself based on God's standards and his truths then all i really am is self-centered and prideful. not only that, i was being a complete hypocrite.  here i am teaching my own kids to not be self-centered, to keep from being obsessed with and defined by material possessions and worth, to be unique and comfortable with the way God had made them to be, and i can't even do that for myself.

do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. - 1 peter 3:3-4 (esv)

my identity, my self-worth and my expectations of beauty should not be defined by people but by God.  he alone is the one that makes me beautiful.  he alone is the one tha can transform me, inside and out.  he alone is the one i should seek to please.

i just need to trust in him.  i need to let go of my own self-centered expectations and wait patiently for him to do his work in me.

and so here it is, *ahem* in writing, i am putting aside my heavy resistance to minivan ownership.  i am willing to own a minivan for God's glory. if that is in our far future, then so be it.  at least then we can accomodate more people (including guests).