oh baby :: giant belly update

yesterday, i had my last monthly check up.

at 35 weeks i was measuring 1 week ahead of schedule (a.k.a. my big ball of a belly is measuring at 36 weeks instead of 35).  i guess i can throw out my hope of delivering a 7 lb. baby at this point. ha!  but, seriously...another possible chance of an 8 pounder?

i gained about 4 lbs. this past month, which has put me at 28 lbs. total weight gain through out this pregnancy so far.  but i feel like i gained double that every time i look at my belly.

i had my GBS testing done, but decided that if the results came back positive that i would forgo treating it with antibiotics.  after doing further research on the subject, i feel like there's a very, very, very low risk in me passing it to the baby upon delivery.  plus, gibson was not affected by it when i delivered him since i didn't receive the full dose during my labor with him. my midwife was fully supportive and was already aware of all the alternative treatments we can try (*sigh* i love her).

we are signed up to deliver at the new birth center based out of the hospital.  when i delivered gibson, the center was still under construction.  i'm hoping that we'll be able to try it out for this baby, as long as there isn't anyone using it already.  they have a nice giant tub in there, and i'm hoping this time around i'll actually get to go in it and deliver the baby.

i did have colleen check me to see if i've started dilating.  the past couple of weeks i've had this feeling that my cervix was changing.  nothing big, but the "practice" contractions felt different.  as if the braxton hicks were not really braxton hicks but they were all at the same time.  i know, that doesn't make any sense, but i don't know how to articulate it any better than that.  i could feel something was changing...it was weird.  it turns out i'm dilated at 1 cm (almost 2) and 25-30% effaced.  baby is head down (yes!) but not engaged yet.  which is good (since i'm not due until march), but it sure feels like he/she's about ready to come out already.

at home, we are so not prepared yet.  i haven't taken out any of the newborn stuff, the baby cradle or purchased any newborn diapers.  we still need to look over our birth plan and start putting a plan in place for people to contact when i do start labor.  on the plus side, gibson is moved into his new bedroom (right next to emma's room), and his old room has returned to our guest bedroom again.  we don't have a nursery for this baby since our plan is to have baby in our bedroom for at least the first 6 months.  after that, we'll decide if emma and gibson will end up sharing a room (emma's preference) or if the guest bedroom will end up being the baby's room (though we really like having a spare bedroom for company).  i'm not too worried about the whole sleeping arrangement issue.  it's hard to tell how gibson will respond to the new addition so i think it's probably best to play it by ear.

the baby's arrival seems so close, yet so far away at the same time.  some days i think i still have plenty of time, but other days i feel overwhelmed and behind after thinking about all the things i need to get done before the baby comes.  i think all i can do right now is to just take it day by day.  the baby is not going to have a fit if i don't get everything on my list done!

oh baby :: our wee baby lani

tomorrow our youngest turns 1.  she is the last of 5, and will forever be our baby. and what better way to kick off her 1st birthday than to share the story of her birth?  it's been a year so some things are a little hazy, but i'm sure you won't mind if i skip some of the details, right?

*****

monday morning, august 6, 2012, started off like any other monday: breakfast time followed by rounding up the crew for my visit with my midwife, colleen.  i was at 38 weeks and had been seeing her on a weekly basis for the past couple of weeks because of my SUA.  

i think that visit was the official kick off to my labor.  you can read some of the details from that day here, because i was crazy and decided to post something when i should be preparing for a birth.

anyway, from 11:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. there was nothing but my water leaking.  obviously, i blogged that day, washed the car seat cover and did other usual stuff (i think...i can't remember).

at around 5:30 p.m. i was greeted by a wonderful contraction.  hello!  at that point, i had a feeling we were probably going to have a baby that night.  it was a good thing colleen had given me her mobile number (she must have known i was going to go into labor that night) so that i could get in touch with her as soon as labor started.  she knew how much i had wanted to try a water birth (i had planned for one for the both boys, but didn't get to), so she wanted to make sure she got to the hospital early enough to make sure the tub was all ready for me once i got there.  

for once i didn't wait to call until i was having contractions every 5 minutes.  i think i must have called colleen after we put the kiddos in bed probably around 8 p.m. at that time, contractions were still not painful, but i was definitely sure we would be meeting our baby that night. even though the contractions were still about 10-15 minutes apart, colleen decided to head to the hospital to get my tub ready.  i have to say that i'm very thankful to have had a very intuitive and attentive midwife.  she just knew there was no chance in labor stalling with me, and getting my room and tub ready early was pretty much the only way i was going to experience my waterbirth :).

i can't remember all the specifics between the phone call and the time we left for the hospital, but i knew we left around 10:30 p.m. because we had to wait for plan A-1 to take into effect (a.k.a. our super, awesome friend ami who has been plan A-1 since Gibson's pregnancy, but we never had to initiate it until now).  as we waited for ami to come over, i remember the contractions starting to make me grimace.  my sweet husband was very helpful in distracting me when i needed to be distracted, and provided silent support when i just needed to focus. it's funny that this time around, i didn't feel nervous at all about laboring or delivery (even with the possible risks related to the SUA).  God had really given me peace about the whole situation.

we got to the hospital at 11:00 p.m. and began the check-in process at the ER.  when one of the gals at the front-desk heard that my contractions were about 5-6 minutes apart and that this was my 4th child, she decided we didn't need to check-in and rushed us up to our room.  her words: "i'm not about to deal with a birth in the ER!"  i'm so glad, because i wouldn't want to do that either.

everything was ready to go once we arrived to the room.  all i had to do was change.  SO awesome!  i had to go through the usual hospital protocol of being hooked up to the fetal monitoring machine for 15 minutes, but after time was up it was taken off.  man, being stuck in that bed trying to go through your contractions, even if it was just for 15 minutes, was brutal.  i was very relieved when i could finally move around.

while i wasn't crying like a baby (ha!) during the contractions, they did require more from me in order to manage the pain compared to the other 3 births.  we skipped the hep-loc, because colleen is awesome that way.  just kidding.  but seriously, she told the attending nurse that i didn't need it since we wouldn't have enough time anyway.  haha. speaking of the attending nurse, she told me she was a doula before she became a nurse.  how cool is that?  last time i was in with cash, i had a nurse who gave birth naturally to all 6 of her kids.  this time around, i have a former doula??  God has perfect timing.

i was able to push on my own timing again like last time.  i pushed once on the bed.  then colleen told me that if i wanted a waterbirth i'd better get into the tub, because she had a feeling that on the next push the baby will be making her appearance.

walking to the tub felt like the longest walk ev.er. my brain was trying to tell my body to walk faster, but those dang contractions slow you down, don't they? 

the tub was fantastic.  warm and soothing.  throw in the dimmed lights, and you couldn't help but feel more relaxed.  even though my contractions were painful, the warmth and the bouyancy from the water helped a lot.  and once the contraction was over, i felt even more relaxed in the tub, and didn't feel anxious about how the next one would feel.  i don't even remember how frequent they were coming, although i only had maybe a couple more contractions before i was ready to push again.

on the second push, which was in the water, i could feel lani's little head.  being in the tub by yourself, and being consciously aware that you're about to meet your baby was crazy, out-of-this-world. i vaguely heard colleen's words as she coached me through pushing her head out and how to catch her in my arms. 

i saw her come out and caught her in my arms. i think that was one of the craziest feelings ever!  our little leilani juliati was born 18 minutes after we checked into the hospital. in the water.  my little mermaid. and oh she was so tiny and precious and perfect in every way.  what an overwhelming feeling it all was...to be involved in the whole process of delivering the baby.  one moment i was watching her make her entrance, and the next moment i was holding her close to me with the warm water surrounding us. i have to say, i am glad i was able to experience the waterbirth. and seriously...catching your own baby?  that's just crazy pants!  but it was awesome!

and the best part was that the peaceful bonding moment between us and our new baby didn't end right after birth.  colleen and the nurse were very respectful of our space.  i felt i had enough time to just take in my newborn baby before we cut the cord, and we had plenty of skin-to-skin time before they took her weight and length.  thinking back on it now, it seemed like everything was kinda chill and low-key after she was born.  nothing felt rushed.  everything was just at the right time.

i'm thankful that God met this funny desire of mine to have a waterbirth.  He didn't have to, and i would have been ok with that.  but He did and i'm so grateful for the experience.  it was a great reminder of His perfect design...everything from the pregnancy to the birth was perfectly planned and engineered by Him.  every ache and discomfort in my hips as the due date drew closer and closer, every painful contraction, the instincts in my body kicking in as birth was happening...all perfectly designed by Him.

but i'm most thankful for the precious little bundle that he gave us that day, and for the opportunity to be a mommy and daddy to another sweet baby. 

oh baby :: cash the early bird

a birth story.  

i had always planned on writing down my birth stories but never did.  why would i want to?  so i can share them with my children, and so i can remember them myself.  especially since each one was so different.

and can you believe that i'm writing cash's birth story as i'm pregnant.  again?1?  i wonder how this 4th baby's birth experience will be like, especially since all 3 have been unique in their own way...there is no routine in the childbirth process.  each one is special. 

*****

our peanut.

our 3rd born.

baby cash was due on march 10, 2011.  based on the arrival time of his older siblings, we guessed he'd be making his appearance a week before then.

with this pregnancy, i got to forgo the usual prenatal bloodwork that comes along during your 1st trimester of pregnancy.  that made me happy (did i mention my dislike for non-tattoo needles?) and our pocketbook happy.  plus, it didn't make any sense in doing those tests if nothing had changed in the 2 years since my last pregnancy. 

with my last pregnancy, i was diagnosed with GBS so we were going under the assumption that i will test positive for it again this time around.  after eating lots of yogurt and using raw garlic 2 weeks or so before the test, i tested negative. 

things were moving along, though at 35 weeks pregnant we didn't have everything fully prepared at home for receiving our new baby.  i was still teaching dance and planned to go all the way through february before taking any time off.  little did i know that i wasn't going to make it that far.

8 days before his arrival.

i had started my day on february 11, finishing up this post and went about my day with business as usual.  nothing really felt out of the ordinary.  i did manage to do a nice load of laundry full of newborn/baby clothes, which gave some sense of preparedness for the new arrival.

as evening approached, i don't recall anything out of the ordinary sticking out in my head except when we began the bedtime round-up for the kiddos.  you know those braxton hicks contractions you get during the late part of your pregnancy.  well, 7:00 p.m. rolls around and those braxton hicks no longer felt like braxton hicks.  i had to stop and actually breathe through a contraction.  how was that possible?  i was only 36 weeks pregnant.  aaron shooed me to bed and finished up with the kiddos bedtime activities.

after that little spell, i didn't have anymore contractions.  as my husband prepared to leave for a show that night, we decided it was best if i just stayed in bed for the rest of the evening.  surely with a little bed rest things will be back to normal.  after all, i have another month to go.

at 11:30 p.m. i finally decided to get some shut eye.

at 1:10 a.m. i woke up to a surprise.  water was everywhere and at first i had no idea what was happening.  as it turns out my water just broke.  this had never happened before with my other two so having my water break before labor began was a new experience for me.  at first i kind of ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, not knowing what to do first.  after getting over the shock of realizing that my water just broke (and i wasn't due for another month), i finally got things squared away.

the first thing i did was go on the internet to look up how long i was allowed to safely go after my water breaking before i had to go to the hospital since i hadn't started labor yet (you'd think that calling my midwife would be the first thing i do).

at around 1:30 a.m., i sent aaron a text telling him that my water just broke. no response.  i tried to call him a few times shortly after the text but no answer.  of course!  he was at a show. 

at this point, i was trying to think through what i should do next.  we didn't have a plan in place for this type of situation. i knew aaron was 30 minutes away and i had no clue what time he was coming back since i hadn't heard from him.  i wanted to touch base with him first before i called colleen just in case she told me to come in.  my biggest concern was the fact that i was at 36 weeks.  that's considered a premature birth.  i had done very little research on premature births since i didn't think i was at risk for that.

as 2:00 a.m. approached i heard aaron pull in the driveway.  relieved, i decided to start packing the hospital bag while i waited for him to come up to the room.  it was almost 2:30 by the time he made it upstairs...he sure was taking his sweet time!  i discovered that he hadn't checked his phone at all, and when he realized what had happened i think panic mode kind of set in for him (like i said, we weren't prepared for this type of situation).

i finally called colleen at 2:30 a.m.  i felt bad having to wake her up (with gibson i had her up at 3:30 a.m.), but as it turns out she was getting ready to go to the hospital for a delivery anyway.  i still hadn't started labor, and i hoped in my heart that i didn't have to come in.  i didn't want to be induced, because i knew the increased risks of all the other medical interventions that would come along with that.

i was SO relieved when colleen told me to go back to sleep!  i had 24 hours before i had to actually check-in to the hospital, so there was no need to do anything at this point except wait for labor to start on its own.  she suspected that since this wasn't my first rodeo, i would most likely start labor within the 24 hour period.  she told me to call her at noon if i hadn't started labor yet, so that we could discuss some natural ways to start the laboring process.  silly me for even thinking that she would want me in the hospital so soon!  i am so glad that we are on the same page.

after aaron and i finished up our packing and decompressing, we headed to our bed for some shut-eye.  it was 3:00 a.m. when my head touched the pillow.

4:00 a.m. and i was abruptly awoken to pains in my abdomen that were oh so familiar.  so much for rest.  here. we. go.

aaron was still fast asleep.  the contractions weren't painful (more wave-like if anything) and still about 10-15 minutes apart but they were enough of a presence to keep me from going back to sleep.  this went on for 2 hours...spaced out the same amount of time, but as if the "wave" was growing more intense with each hour that passed by.

by 6:00 a.m. the contractions had increased in frequency (5-6 minutes apart) and intensity.  i remember it still feeling like waves (but think more along the lines of tidal waves), except they weren't spaced very far apart anymore.  this time around, it felt as if the baby was moving lower and lower with each contraction.

i don't remember when i finally woke aaron up, i think it must have been when my contractions were 5 minutes apart.  corrie came to the rescue to watch the kiddos as we prepared for our journey to the hospital (and the oh so fun experience of laboring in the car...please note sarcasm).

7:30 a.m. and we were out the door, in our car and zipping along the freeway to the hospital.  i called colleen to let her know we were on our way there.  poor lady!  she was on her way home from the hospital after doing a delivery.  oops!  i guess i should have called her a little sooner.

once we arrived, i stopped paying attention to the time as much and tried to get "settled" into our room.  unfortunately, i was unable to use the birthing center because it was taken by someone else.  it wouldn't have mattered anyway since you have to be at least 37 weeks to use the space.  there was also no waterbirth experience for me (again) since i was technically delivering a premature baby.

the attending nurse did the usual check-in routine.  colleen was there shortly after we checked in, and so was her student, ashley (she was awesome too).  much like emma's experience, i had no pokes with a needle in my arm (or anywhere else for that matter), and the EFM didn't stick around my belly for too long.  it was nice not feeling "tied down."  being the funny man he is, aaron thought the baby's heartbeat sounded like the tune of bonanza.  ha.  he's good at keeping me distracted. 

ashley set up the aromatherapy in the room while colleen dimmed the lights and brought in her oils.  the sweet nurse brought in the iPod player and we attempted to select some nice background music to labor to.  after a short laugh, we decided to nix the rave/aerobic-like musical option on there and settled on good ol' frank sinatra.

side note that i have to add in: the attending nurse during this labor was SO awesome.  i wish i had remembered her name.  she has 10 kids and 4 out of those ten were birthed naturally at home.  she totally understood our birth philosophy, and was so supportive and low-key about everything.  she really stood out to me compared to the other nurses that have attended my birth (not saying that the other nurses were horrible or anything).  how amazing is it that i had her with me for my labor and delivery?  i am hoping that with this baby she will be the one attending my birth.

okay, back to pushing the baby out.  things were going smoothly.  my beloved birth ball was brought in for me to labor on for a while until i was ready to push.  we laughed, joked and chatted between contractions while frankie crooned in the background.  the nurse checked the baby's heart rate with a good old fashioned stethoscope, and i can honestly say that i can't recall anything unpleasant about the experience.  i really felt like all parties present honored our birth plan to a T.  i didn't have to re-iterate anything which enabled me to focus my full attention and energy to meeting our sweet boy for the first time.

it was a bit after 10:00 a.m. and i was feeling ready to push.  i had my cervix checked, but i was only 6 cm dilated.  usually, you have to wait until the cervix is 10 cm dilated before you start pushing the baby out, since that is when the opening will be at the widest point (this had been the case for my past 2 deliveries).  but the desire to push was happening already.  colleen, being the super midwife she is, said to go ahead and start pushing if my body was telling me to push.  so i did.  we later found out from our sweet nurse that there has been evidence that it did no harm to the cervix if a woman pushed based on when her body tells her to push rather than wait until the 10 cm indicator, especially if the cervix is very stretchy.  interesting. i wonder if she had any personal experience with that since she did birth 10 kids.

i felt like i was at the pushing stage forever (later our nurse said it was really only about 15 minutes or so) and thinking that this was the longest pushing stage i've had to endure.  pushing is probably the most physically and mentally demanding part of the childbirth process, at least for me.  on the one hand, i was excited to meet our sweet babe, but on the other hand i was frustrated that my body wasn't doing what it was supposed to do to get to that point (this last part is an untrue assumption of course, because your body is doing what it needs to do...sometimes it just takes more time).  i could feel my endurance wavering.  i wanted to stop.  take a coffee break.  take a nap.  resume later.  my body was tired.  my brain was tired. but there was no stopping the process now.  we. were. so. close.

at 10:29 a.m. our baby boy finally made his appearance.  he was born with his left arm over his face, much like his ultrasound picture. no wonder it was taking forever to push him out.  they immediately placed him on my chest, skin to skin and it was glorious.  beautiful baby smell.  beautiful baby skin.  amazing.

they suctioned him and cleaned him up while he was still resting peacefully on me.  nothing else was done for what seemed like an eternity.  they waited until the cord stopped pulsing before it was clamped and cut (i had read up on this, but had forgotten to put it in the birth plan...glad colleen read my mind).  he wasn't even weighed until an hour after birth...after mom and baby had their time together.

8 lbs. for a preemie was quite a surprise for everyone.  can you imagine what he would have weighed if he was full-term?  probably bigger than gibson!  our nurse (the same one from the beginning) said that he did seem premature by the amount of vernix he still had on his skin.  but aside from that, there were no other complications that came attached to birthing a premature babe (praise God!).  

oh how sweet it was to be able to hold our little cash in my arms.  and even sweeter that we got to meet him earlier than expected.

***** 

with each birth, it seems that i know more and more what my body is capable of.  and with each birth, i feel as if God has a handle on the whole situation (which of course he does) and that all i need to do is give it over to him and trust my instincts.  the ease with being able to do that has been easier with each childbirth experience, and it's sometimes indescribable when i realize how he has used those times to mold and shape me and to strengthen my faith in him.

tis so sweet to trust in jesus. and to take him at his word.  and to rest upon his promise and to know thus says the lord.

*****

More baby stories:

Emma's birth story.

Gibson's birth story.

More birth-related babble:

why i choose natural birth

reflecting on the not so ordinary

REPOST // oh baby :: cash the early bird

we are celebrating 5 years of cash, TODAY! he is such a sweet treasure, and we love him to pieces.

here is a look back on the day we welcomed him into the world...

a birth story.  

i had always planned on writing down my birth stories but never did.  why would i want to?  so i can share them with my children, and so i can remember them myself.  especially since each one was so different.

and can you believe that i'm writing cash's birth story as i'm pregnant.  again?1?  i wonder how this 4th baby's birth experience will be like, especially since all 3 have been unique in their own way...there is no routine in the childbirth process.  each one is special. 

*****

our peanut.

our 3rd born.

baby cash was due on march 10, 2011.  based on the arrival time of his older siblings, we guessed he'd be making his appearance a week before then.

with this pregnancy, i got to forgo the usual prenatal bloodwork that comes along during your 1st trimester of pregnancy.  that made me happy (did i mention my dislike for non-tattoo needles?) and our pocketbook happy.  plus, it didn't make any sense in doing those tests if nothing had changed in the 2 years since my last pregnancy. 

with my last pregnancy, i was diagnosed with GBS so we were going under the assumption that i will test positive for it again this time around.  after eating lots of yogurt and using raw garlic 2 weeks or so before the test, i tested negative. 

things were moving along, though at 35 weeks pregnant we didn't have everything fully prepared at home for receiving our new baby.  i was still teaching dance and planned to go all the way through february before taking any time off.  little did i know that i wasn't going to make it that far.

8 days before his arrival.

i had started my day on february 11, finishing up this post and went about my day with business as usual.  nothing really felt out of the ordinary.  i did manage to do a nice load of laundry full of newborn/baby clothes, which gave some sense of preparedness for the new arrival.

as evening approached, i don't recall anything out of the ordinary except for when we began bedtime round-up for the kiddos.  you know those braxton hicks contractions you get during the late part of your pregnancy.  well, 7:00 p.m. rolls around and those braxton hicks no longer felt like braxton hicks.  i had to stop and actually breathe through a contraction.  how was that possible?  i was only 36 weeks pregnant.  aaron shooed me to bed and finished up with the kiddos bedtime activities.

after that little spell, i didn't have anymore contractions.  as my husband prepared to leave for a show that night, we decided it was best if i just stayed in bed for the rest of the evening.  surely with a little bed rest things will be back to normal.  after all, i have another month to go.

at 11:30 p.m. i finally decided to get some shut eye.

at 1:10 a.m. i woke up to a surprise.  water was everywhere and at first i had no idea what was happening.  as it turns out my water just broke.  this had never happened before with my other two so having my water break before labor began was a new experience for me.  at first i kind of ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, not knowing what to do first.  after getting over the shock of realizing that my water just broke (and i wasn't due for another month), i finally got things squared away.

the first thing i did was go on the internet to look up how long i was allowed to safely go after my water breaking before i had to go to the hospital since i hadn't started labor yet (you'd think that calling my midwife would be the first thing i do).

at around 1:30 a.m., i sent aaron a text telling him that my water just broke. no response.  i tried to call him a few times shortly after the text but no answer.  of course!  he was at a show. 

at this point, i was trying to think through what i should do next.  we didn't have a plan in place for this type of situation. i knew aaron was 30 minutes away and i had no clue what time he was coming back since i hadn't heard from him.  i wanted to touch base with him first before i called colleen just in case she told me to come in.  my biggest concern was the fact that i was at 36 weeks.  that's considered a premature birth.  i had done very little research on premature births since i didn't think i was at risk for that.

as 2:00 a.m. approached i heard aaron pull in the driveway.  relieved, i decided to start packing the hospital bag while i waited for him to come up to the room.  it was almost 2:30 by the time he made it upstairs...he sure was taking his sweet time!  i discovered that he hadn't checked his phone at all, and when he realized what had happened i think panic mode kind of set in for him (like i said, we weren't prepared for this type of situation).

i finally called colleen at 2:30 a.m.  i felt bad having to wake her up (with gibson i had her up at 3:30 a.m.), but as it turns out she was getting ready to go to the hospital for a delivery anyway.  i still hadn't started labor, and i hoped in my heart that i didn't have to come in.  i didn't want to be induced, because i knew the increased risks of all the other medical interventions that would come along with that.

i was SO relieved when colleen told me to go back to sleep!  i had 24 hours before i had to actually check-in to the hospital, so there was no need to do anything at this point except wait for labor to start on its own.  she suspected that since this wasn't my first rodeo, i would most likely start labor within the 24 hour period.  she told me to call her at noon if i hadn't started labor yet, so that we could discuss some natural ways to start the laboring process.  silly me for even thinking that she would want me in the hospital so soon!  i am so glad that we are on the same page.

after aaron and i finished up our packing and decompressing, we headed to our bed for some shut-eye.  it was 3:00 a.m. when my head touched the pillow.

4:00 a.m. and i was abruptly awoken to pains in my abdomen that were oh so familiar.  so much for rest.  here. we. go.

aaron was still fast asleep.  the contractions weren't painful (more wave-like if anything) and still about 10-15 minutes apart but they were enough of a presence to keep me from going back to sleep.  this went on for 2 hours...spaced out the same amount of time, but as if the "wave" was growing more intense with each hour that passed by.

by 6:00 a.m. the contractions had increased in frequency (5-6 minutes apart) and intensity.  i remember it still feeling like waves (but think more along the lines of tidal waves), except they weren't spaced very far apart anymore.  this time around, it felt as if the baby was moving lower and lower with each contraction.

i don't remember when i finally woke aaron up, i think it must have been when my contractions were 5 minutes apart.  corrie came to the rescue to watch the kiddos as we prepared for our journey to the hospital (and the oh so fun experience of laboring in the car...please note sarcasm).

7:30 a.m. and we were out the door, in our car and zipping along the freeway to the hospital.  i called colleen to let her know we were on our way there.  poor lady!  she was on her way home from the hospital after doing a delivery.  oops!  i guess i should have called her a little sooner.

once we arrived, i stopped paying attention to the time as much and tried to get "settled" into our room.  unfortunately, i was unable to use the birthing center because it was taken by someone else.  it wouldn't have mattered anyway since you have to be at least 37 weeks to use the space.  there was also no waterbirth experience for me (again) since i was technically delivering a premature baby.

the attending nurse did the usual check-in routine.  colleen was there shortly after we checked in, and so was her student, ashley (she was awesome too).  much like emma's experience, i had no pokes with a needle in my arm (or anywhere else for that matter), and the EFM didn't stick around my belly for too long.  it was nice not feeling "tied down."  being the funny man he is, aaron thought the baby's heartbeat sounded like the tune of bonanza.  ha.  he's good at keeping me distracted. 

ashley set up the aromatherapy in the room while colleen dimmed the lights and brought in her oils.  the sweet nurse brought in the iPod player and we attempted to select some nice background music to labor to.  after a short laugh, we decided to nix the rave/aerobic-like musical option on there and settled on good ol' frank sinatra.

side note that i have to add in: the attending nurse during this labor was SO awesome.  i wish i had remembered her name.  she has 10 kids and 4 out of those ten were birthed naturally at home.  she totally understood our birth philosophy, and was so supportive and low-key about everything.  she really stood out to me compared to the other nurses that have attended my birth (not saying that the other nurses were horrible or anything).  how amazing is it that i had her with me for my labor and delivery?  i am hoping that with this baby she will be the one attending my birth.

okay, back to pushing the baby out.  things were going smoothly.  my beloved birth ball was brought in for me to labor on for a while until i was ready to push.  we laughed, joked and chatted between contractions while frankie crooned in the background.  the nurse checked the baby's heart rate with a good old fashioned stethoscope, and i can honestly say that i can't recall anything unpleasant about the experience.  i really felt like all parties present honored our birth plan to a T.  i didn't have to re-iterate anything which enabled me to focus my full attention and energy to meeting our sweet boy for the first time.

it was a bit after 10:00 a.m. and i was feeling ready to push.  i had my cervix checked, but i was only 6 cm dilated.  usually, you have to wait until the cervix is 10 cm dilated before you start pushing the baby out, since that is when the opening will be at the widest point (this had been the case for my past 2 deliveries).  but the desire to push was happening already.  colleen, being the super midwife she is, said to go ahead and start pushing if my body was telling me to push.  so i did.  we later found out from our sweet nurse that there has been evidence that it did no harm to the cervix if a woman pushed based on when her body tells her to push rather than wait until the 10 cm indicator, especially if the cervix is very stretchy.  interesting. i wonder if she had any personal experience with that since she did birth 10 kids.

i felt like i was at the pushing stage forever (later our nurse said it was really only about 15 minutes or so) and thinking that this was the longest pushing stage i've had to endure.  pushing is probably the most physically and mentally demanding part of the childbirth process, at least for me.  on the one hand, i was excited to meet our sweet babe, but on the other hand i was frustrated that my body wasn't doing what it was supposed to do to get to that point (this last part is an untrue assumption of course, because your body is doing what it needs to do...sometimes it just takes more time).  i could feel my endurance wavering.  i wanted to stop.  take a coffee break.  take a nap.  resume later.  my body was tired.  my brain was tired. but there was no stopping the process now.  we. were. so. close.

at 10:29 a.m. our baby boy finally made his appearance.  he was born with his left arm over his face, much like his ultrasound picture. no wonder it was taking forever to push him out.  they immediately placed him on my chest, skin to skin and it was glorious.  beautiful baby smell.  beautiful baby skin.  amazing.

they suctioned him and cleaned him up while he was still resting peacefully on me.  nothing else was done for what seemed like an eternity.  they waited until the cord stopped pulsing before it was clamped and cut (i had read up on this, but had forgotten to put it in the birth plan...glad colleen read my mind).  he wasn't even weighed until an hour after birth...after mom and baby had their time together.

8 lbs. for a preemie was quite a surprise for everyone.  can you imagine what he would have weighed if he was full-term?  probably bigger than gibson!  our nurse (the same one from the beginning) said that he did seem premature by the amount of vernix he still had on his skin.  but aside from that, there were no other complications that came attached to birthing a premature babe (praise God!).  

oh how sweet it was to be able to hold our little cash in my arms.  and even sweeter that we got to meet him earlier than expected.

***** 

with each birth, it seems that i know more and more what my body is capable of.  and with each birth, i feel as if God has a handle on the whole situation (which of course he does) and that all i need to do is give it over to him and trust my instincts.  the ease with being able to do that has been easier with each childbirth experience, and it's sometimes indescribable when i realize how he has used those times to mold and shape me and to strengthen my faith in him.

tis so sweet to trust in jesus. and to take him at his word.  and to rest upon his promise and to know thus says the lord.

*****

More baby stories:

Emma's birth story.

Gibson's birth story.

More birth-related babble:

why i choose natural birth

reflecting on the not so ordinary

oh baby :: reflecting on the not so ordinary

way back when my belly wasn't so humongous, i posted about my own personal reasons to choose a natural childbirth.  i'm very thankful that i have been able to do that with my last two, and Lord-willing i hope to have an intervention-free birthing experience with this third one.

like i've mentioned before, a lot of research and reading on natural and medicated childbirth really steered me towards giving birth naturally.  and there is a lot out of information (and controversy) out there regarding both, but i firmly believe that a natural approach to labor and childbirth is the safest and healthiest for both mama and baby.  in the u.s., having a natural birth is not the norm.  i don't doubt that there are many pregnant women that perhaps choose to try the natural approach. but sometimes it's difficult to stand your ground (in the midst of laboring) when possible pressure from hospital staff, your caregiver, etc. can lead them down the road they had not planned on taking (of course the exception would be during a true medical complication).

if i could have a homebirth with this baby, i would do it in a heartbeat.  i know, homebirth??  it may seem extreme, but to me it would be wonderful.  i'm considered a low-risk pregnancy and there's a hospital less than 5 minutes away from our house.  to me, a homebirth would make sense, especially since we already have other kids.  we wouldn't have to worry about finding someone to watch them while we were at the hospital or bothered by hospital protocol about this and that or pack up our stuff to go home.  but we don't have the extra money for it since it's not covered by our insurance (believe it or not it's actually more cost-effective for us to use our insurance).  and i really, really, really like my midwife, and at this point she doesn't do home deliveries.

fortunately, the hospital where i'll be delivering has recently built a birthing center.  though it's associated and connected (literally) to the hospital (unlike a free-standing birth center), according to what i've read in the consent form the birth center philosophy is maintained. if i can't have a homebirth, then this comes in at a close second...and i can't tell you how excited i am to have the opportunity to try this place out.

photo source.

along the lines of maintaining a natural approach to labor and birth, i'm hoping to try a waterbirth...again.  research on the benefits of waterbirth are minimal in the u.s. though if i'm not mistaken there is plenty of positive evidence for hydrotherapy in europe.

is waterbirth risky?  i don't know how to answer that.  having a baby is risky.  what if you have complications during pregnancy, labor, childbirth, postpartum?  what if the baby experiences complications?  having a baby has its risks, but obviously that hasn't stopped women from having babies. 

i know my husband has questions about the waterbirth approach.  certainly for good reason.  he is fully supportive of hydrotherapy for the laboring mother and understands its benefits in offering a noninvasive option for pain relief.  but his biggest concern is how it benefits the baby.  many of the literature found on waterbirth suggests it provides a more peaceful and less stressful transition for the baby, and for me that makes sense.  but i don't think you can rule out the possibility that if the baby is stuck during the pushing stage that a waterbirth may make things more difficult. 

anyway, i don't really know where i was going with that or with this post in general.  i know the birth choices i'm making are unconventional according to the u.s. "standards."  but i do feel it's important for me to share a different approach, and that it is possible for women (and their babies) to experience a noninvasive, unmedicated birth.  if you read my birth plan, i might as well just deliver at home with the amount of things i'm forgoing: no hep-loc, no medication during labor or post partum, no fetal monitoring unless it's the old school way, baby checked while on me...

i have no idea what God has in store for me this time around.  i mean, i can guess and prepare myself according on my past experiences, but that's no guarantee that the outcome will be the same.  i had 2 very different laboring experiences with my first two kids, so it's hard to tell how this one will go.  we have a game plan in place and now all we can do is wait and put everything in God's hands.  i don't doubt that whatever happens will be according to His will.

*****

information on homebirth, waterbirth, and natural childbirth (this list is mainly for me...so i have a place that i can easily refer to):

the homebirth choice from midwifery today.

homebirth from the american pregnancy association.

homebirth benefits article.

is homebirth for you?

childbirth related articles by ina may gaskin.

waterbirth FAQ and research information from waterbirth international.

waterbirth information from gentlebirth.org

why have a water birth?

giving birth naturally website.

birthing naturally website.

birthing naturally-is it for me?

benefits of natural chidlbirth.

childbirth connection website.

a study on the effects of epidural anesthesia.

articles by henci goer on childbirth.

citizens for midwifery.

birthnetwork national.

mother-friendly childbirth initiative.

oh baby :: hello belly

i can't believe that a little over half the pregnancy has gone by already.  dang!  it's been going fast.

20 week ultrasound and the kid wouldn't give us a good face shot. stubborn.

i feel as if i went from no belly to hello belly in a matter of just a few months.

hello!

apparently, one of my girls in the pre-ballet class i teach felt the same way...

little girl.1 [as we are gathered in a circle ready to begin class]: eh! what happened to your belly?!?

me [confused look on my face]: what do you mean, what happened to it?

little girl.1: it got pretty big.  looks like you're getting a little fat.

me [trying to cover up my "say what?" look with a laugh]: ha, ha.  no, it's not that i'm getting fat.  it's because i have a baby in there.

little girl.1: ooohhhh.

little girl.2 (who also happens to be little girl.1's twin sister): you have a baby in there?  how is it going to come out?

little girl.1: they're going to take it out with a KNIFE.

me: uh, no.  they're not going to take it out with a knife.

little girl.2: then how is the baby going to come out?

[can i just say...AWKWARD?]

me: umm, well...you should ask your mom how babies come out.  maybe she can tell you how you came out.


later on in class, after i showed them an exercise that involved some running and leaping...


little girl.1: careful!  don't run or jump!  the baby might fall out!

aren't they just hilarious?  seriously.  it was hard to keep myself from laughing out loud.  you 'aint seen nothin' yet kid.  wait until i'm 34 weeks!

oh baby :: emma's debut

a birth story.  

i had always planned on writing down my birth stories but never did.  why would i want to?  so i can share them with my children, and so i can remember them myself.  especially since each one was so different.  and now, with the birth of our 3rd child quickly approaching i really think i should probably get on the ball about writing them down.

so i begin with our first born.  the writing may not be eloquent, but it has been almost 5 years so some things do get a little blurry (this is why i should have written it down earlier!).

*****

emma was originally due on the 20^th of June [2006].  from what i had read and been told, babies of 1st pregnancies don't usually arrive early or on time.  but they do tend to arrive fashionably late.  so i had planned on her arrival a few days after the 20th.  

in fact, i was out of town (1.5 hours away) from the 10th-11th of june.  i had not experienced any braxton hicks through out my pregnancy, so i really believed that this baby was going to come later than expected.  the morning of the 11th, i had experienced a few minor tightening sensations but immediately dismissed them as braxton hicks.  i had a few more later on in the day, but after that everything was quiet.  i remember feeling excited that i finally got to experience some sort of pre-labor signs since i hadn't had any throughout the tail end of my pregnancy.

well it's a good thing that we came home that sunday.  i woke up around 4:30 a.m. on monday to some serious abdominal cramping.  i mean serious.  holy moly!  this was not the same experience as yesterday?  are braxton hicks supposed to hurt this bad?  and i was 8 days before my due date.  there's no way i could be in labor this early.  no way.

aaron was out, and i didn't bother waking him because i wasn't even sure if these were the real deal.  i had read many birth stories to help me prepare for this birth, and i remember reading about how a few 1st time moms were sent back home because they weren't dilated enough despite the contractions.  our hospital was 30 minutes away, and i wasn't about to pack up and go at 4:30 in the morning to drive half an hour only to be turned away and drive another 30 minutes back to the house.  or what if the hospital checked me in and my labor slows down?  i had also read some experiences where mothers ended up having a medicated deliveries because they were now on the hospital's clock.  if labor doesn't progress enough, what if i got pressured into taking something to speed up labor when i had really planned on a natural delivery?  i had a midwife who supported my natural birth choice, but what if she caved under pressure of hospital politics?  i didn't want to risk that either. nope.  i'll ride it out and then go back to sleep, because surely this was not the real deal anyway. 

i remember barely falling asleep only to wake to the same pain half an hour later.  i decided to grab a notebook and pen, in case this was “the real deal,” and notate how far apart the contractions were.

6:00 a.m. and i was back up with more contractions.  the contractions were pretty regular as soon as they had started though they were about 7-10 minutes apart. i did try to wake aaron up at this point to let him know that i was having contractions, but he only mumbled and went back to sleep.  nice.  i thought the husband was supposed to play a supportive role in all this?  this was not how we practiced at all.  on the plus side, the contractions weren't anything i couldn't handle on my own.  they were painful, but never excruciating.

i decided to try a warm shower since i couldn't go back to sleep.  the warmth of the water helped, and i spent some time in prayer and meditated on some of the memory verses i picked out to give me encouragement through the laboring process.  i remember, after praying that a warm, tingling sensation came over me, and i was overtaken with a feeling of peacefulness.  it was a surreal experience and at that moment i knew that the Lord would be with me through this whole process.  

7:00 a.m. and i was convinced this had to be it.  i was finally able to get aaron up so he could notify his parents to watch ty while we were in the hospital.  for some reason, he didn't sense any urgency in me because after he made the call he decided to shower and shave.  i remember overhearing ty ask aaron, "can i take a bath after your shower?" and me thinking, "NOOOO.  no time for bath. why are you showering?  and shaving?  i'm in pain and you're showering?  no bath!"  aaron told me later that it didn't look like i was in pain at all, so he thought it wasn't a big deal to shower and do his regular morning routine (ha, ha...maybe next time i should start screaming?).

8:00 a.m. and it was evident that the pain was increasing.  we decided to call the hospital since the contractions were 5 minutes apart and increasing in frequency. i made aaron call for me, but the lady on the phone insisted that she speak to me (didn't she know i was in to much pain to speak coherently?  how am i supposed to focus working through my contractions when i'm being asked 3 times to spell out my last name over the phone?).  after some unsuccessful attempts at getting the details she wanted from me (did i already mention that she asked me to spell my last name 3 times?  t.h.r.e.e....while i'm having some serious contractions) i told her she needed to talk to my husband. it was determined that i should come in and get checked out.

8:30 a.m. and the 3 of us piled into the car (aaron's parents hadn't made it down yet so they got re-directed to the hospital) and began the 30 minute drive, in rush hour traffic, to the hospital.  the drive sucked (for lack of a better term).   i just being REALLY uncomfortable and the pain increasing EVEN MORE than half an hour before.  the worst part was that i had no. where. to. go.  i was stuck in a car.  in rush hour traffic.  all the cars seemed like they were driving too SLOW. and we weren't going fast enough, even though aaron was speeding.

during the pregnancy, i had envisioned myself walking on my own when the time came to check into the hospital.  it was going to be lovely and beautiful and i could work through all the contractions that way. 

unlike my vision, once we arrived at the hospital i couldn't even walk.  it seemed like every second i had a really painful contraction.  i felt like crawling.  how was i going to make it to the labor and delivery floor when i couldn't even move my legs to walk?  the wheelchair came to my rescue and we made it to our destination.

9:00 a.m. and everyone on the labor and delivery floor was very calm, despite the fact that i was feeling very frantic that this baby was going to come out at any minute.  i coudlnt' understand why everyone was so calm.  didn't they know this baby was getting ready to come out, now?  right now people!  move it or lose it.  stop asking me all these questions.  get me to a room, stat!

they didn’t even put me in the actual birthing room yet, and had me in another room to change my clothes (which I could barely do on my own with the frequent contractions) and take my vitals. then i said the magic word. "pressure."  yes, ms. nurse, i was feeling some serious pressure.  is it time to push yet?  because i'm ready.

after that, the mood changed.  the attending nurse went from calm to rush, rush, rush.  more nurses came in. one asked me a bunch of questions, another checking my vitals, and another prepping the heart monitor for the baby, etc., etc.  

aaron's aunt (who happened to work in the same hospital i was delivering in) came in to pick up tyler since aaron's parents hadn't arrived yet, but i barely remember that.  my [super-awesome, amazing] midwife ellen was called immediately and she told me I was 100% effaced and 10 cm dilated! what?!?  because things were happening so quickly, she had to take care of her patients (her office was just on the 1st floor) and would return as soon as i was ready to push.

after the protocol 15 minutes hooked up to the electric fetal monitor (EFM), i was unhooked and was able to move around.  the rest of the time, they would monitor the fetal heart rate via a good, old fashioned stethoscope (yes, it is a bit more time consuming for the nurses to do this, but with the encouragement of my midwife it was a better choice if i wanted to remain mobile through the remainder of labor).  

aaron's mom arrived soon after (i think) to help with the labor process.  it was game time.  i remember ellen breaking my water since it hadn't happened yet, but i didn't notice the contractions being that much more intense.  i think it just became more frequent.  the birth ball was heaven.  i was very thankful that i had freedom to move since i wasn't hooked up to the EFM or an IV.  they didn't even have time to do a hep-loc on me. 

i don't remember the specific details of the rest of the laboring process.  i remember there was another midwife present observing (she was doing her residency) and she offered to take photos.  she was wonderful and full of support along with aaron and his mom.  i remember getting lower back massages as i worked through the contractions.  i remember aaron cracking jokes about my tea being ready each time the timer would go off on the baby warmer.  i remember laughing, and i remember experiencing some intense internal focus.  i remember aaron trying to get me to do the breathing techniques we learned in birth class and me throwing it out the window and deciding in the midst of labor that it was stupid and didn't work.  there was no screaming.  there was no crying.  there was no writhing in pain.  

 i couldn't recall the memory verses anymore at this point.  all i could do was remember that the Lord would see me through the end.  what also helped me through this last part of labor was remembering that the pain served a purpose.  it was my uterus changing to prepare for the arrival of the baby.  it was a natural process.  God's perfect design and his amazing engineering of a woman's body to give birth to another human being.  

the baby was coming.  when emma crowned, ellen grabbed my hand so that i could feel her head. it was very exciting and encouraging at the same time.  

10:26 a.m. and with 2 pushes she was out.  the cord was wrapped around her neck twice, but after assessing her health our 6 lbs. 15 oz., 19 in. long baby was immediately handed over to me. they cleaned her up while she was on my belly. how amazing it felt to have the baby immediately in your arms. another surreal, indescribable, magical moment.  when ellen said she was a girl, we were surprised even though we had kept the sex of the baby unknown.  we had been certain she was going to be a boy.  but girl or boy, she was a blessing none the less.

ellen said it was a textbook birth.  and i suppose being in labor for 6 hours wasn't so bad either.  the hospital experience was great.  the attending nurses were fabulous and they were all very respectful of my birth choices.  i think that the respect given to us, coupled with our openness to change plans if medically necessary made the whole hospital experience pleasant.  

before my 1st baby, i used to be fearful of giving birth, because of all the “horror” stories i heard and how birth was often portrayed (inaccurately) in movies.  but there is no fear when you know that childbirth is a natural process.  and there is no fear when you know that God is always on your side.

oh birthday girl...

i feel like a mom that forgot her child's birthday.

terrible.

i've posted about gibson and ty's birthdays and here we are 2 weeks after emma's birthday and i still haven't put anything up for her.

oh baby girl...i'm so sorry! 

but here it is.  now.

my birthday girl awoke bright-eyed on her 4th birthday with a big smile on her face.  ready to take on the day.

we spent the early afternoon checking out discover gordon square art district day and more of made in the 216. she enjoyed looking at the plush toys, testing out the furniture, and even received a special gift from ms. danielle: "e" stickers!  her most favorite is the mustached letter e.

we then took a stroll down detroit ave to the happy dog for a happy birthday hot dog lunch (since ty's birthday is 2 days after emma's, doing the happy dog lunch worked out great, because it was a treat for the both of them).  emma stayed safe with some carmalized onions, mustard, ketchup and cheese topping on her hot dog, while ty went a little wild and crazy topping his with peanut butter, bacon and cheese (blech!).  and gibson had the honor of breaking in the restaurant's brand new high chair.

her birthday dinner of choice was aladdin's, where we filled up on pita, hummus and smoothies.  afterward, we came home to blow out candles on her birthday cake.  i am emphasizing the cake part, because she specifically requested birthday cake.  not birthday cupcakes.  not birthday brownies.  birthday cake.

gift opening was spread out over the course of the day, which i like because it keeps her from getting into present overload.  well, i suppose you could say it was spread out over the course of several days, and she got aunt corrie's gift back in may so really you could technically say it was spread out over a couple of months.

our gift to her were 2 belts for her saggy butt pants (which she had requested for the past year or so) and some glitter glue.  one belt was made from one of aaron's old ties he found at a garage sale (sorry, no photo), and the other was made from some left over fabric from the skirt corrie made for her.

happy belated birthday, baby girl.  though you have really changed from baby to little girl.  you have been especially amazing at helping your mama pick up after gibson's messes.  never a complaint when i ask for your help. you are turning into such a sweet and thoughtful little lady.  one thing i really find special about you is your excitement over sharing your stickers.  so sweet.  the drive-by sticking are fun, especially when someone points out that i have sticker on my backside.  i love our quiet times together coloring, reading, sewing and crafting.  i love your giving heart.  you love "making presents" for friends and family so that your craft center is littered with drawings, stickers and cut up bits of paper and ribbons to give to others.

hugs and kisses from your mama! love you girlie, silly faces and all!