i can't wait until christmas is over

there.  i said it.  it's out.  i know, it sounds very scrooge-like, doesn't it?

it's christmas eve. i remember as a kid feeling so excited when december 24th rolled around, because the next day was the day that i got to finally dig into the pile of presents under the tree.  now, the truth is, i can't help but look forward to christmas being over.

well...that's how i feel some days.  the holiday season is probably the most challenging time of year for our family.  every year.  for maybe the past 10 years.

once the month of december starts, i pretty much don't see my husband until christmas.  we pretty much write-off the month of december.  i mean, i get it.  he's in a job where the busiest time of year just happens to be christmas time (kind of like accountants have their busiest time during tax season). but it can get hard.  yes, there's the hard part of single-parenting it for 2 weeks, and the lack of sleep (mostly for aaron), and watching the kids only see their dad one or two days a week for 2 weeks straight, and not really being able to make any holiday plans, and being totally beat by the time christmas rolls around so that you don't want to do anything but sit around in your pajama pants and eat cookies all day.  and of course this year, my husband gets to work christmas day.  what a treat! and you wonder why i can't wait until christmas is over.

but whatever.  we can make plans for family gatherings another day (i like thanksgiving because we get to share a big feast with our extended family).  the kids are very understanding, and post-christmas they get to see him more often again.  and who says we have to do the present opening stuff on the 25th?  that isn't what defines christmas anyway. 

no, that's not really the hard part.  the hardest part is keeping myself from becoming bitter, grumpy, and turning into a full-blown grinchy scrooge.  those holiday songs about christmas being the most wonderful time of the year, gathering with family, blah, blah, blah.  i really can't relate anymore.  it's busy, exhausting and trying.  every year.  how can i think it's the most wonderful time of the year full of happiness and cheer?  my husband is working on christmas not because he is saving lives, helping people in need or serving the community.  he's working on christmas day because he is serving the needs of others who must have their christmas presents on christmas day otherwise it will be ruined forever.

see, right there, that kind of attitude, is what i have to watch for every year.  fight it off.  repel it with an anti-scrooge repellent.  but i feel it trying to creep in.  every year, i sense it trying to get its foot in the door all sneaky-like.  and if i'm not careful, it will let itself in and completely consume me.  then i really will turn into scrooge-grinch lady.

after writing this out, i now see how i've managed to keep from being bitter about christmas.  no, it's not the anti-scrooge repellent.  it's because i have hope.  as a family, we celebrate christmas because it is the birth of jesus.  god, who humbled himself to take on human form so that he can grow up for the sole purpose of sacrificing his own life for us.  no matter who we are or what we've done. no matter how much i've screwed up, i can be confident in the fact that god will forgive me and loves me...to the point that he gave up his life for me.  how can i be grumpy, when i think about that?  christmas is just the beginning of the celebration. 

i'm not going to lie, some days are still going to suck, and i'll probably find myself looking forward to christmas being over, but i know what makes our christmas wonderful.  i can still find little bits of joy scattered through out the holiday season, because i have hope and peace thanks to god and his work in me. 

we have been preparing our hearts all month long, and tomorrow we celebrate.  big or small, all day, half the day...it doesn't really matter.  go have yourself a merry little christmas.  because i sure will.

oh baby :: our wee baby lani

tomorrow our youngest turns 1.  she is the last of 5, and will forever be our baby. and what better way to kick off her 1st birthday than to share the story of her birth?  it's been a year so some things are a little hazy, but i'm sure you won't mind if i skip some of the details, right?

*****

monday morning, august 6, 2012, started off like any other monday: breakfast time followed by rounding up the crew for my visit with my midwife, colleen.  i was at 38 weeks and had been seeing her on a weekly basis for the past couple of weeks because of my SUA.  

i think that visit was the official kick off to my labor.  you can read some of the details from that day here, because i was crazy and decided to post something when i should be preparing for a birth.

anyway, from 11:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. there was nothing but my water leaking.  obviously, i blogged that day, washed the car seat cover and did other usual stuff (i think...i can't remember).

at around 5:30 p.m. i was greeted by a wonderful contraction.  hello!  at that point, i had a feeling we were probably going to have a baby that night.  it was a good thing colleen had given me her mobile number (she must have known i was going to go into labor that night) so that i could get in touch with her as soon as labor started.  she knew how much i had wanted to try a water birth (i had planned for one for the both boys, but didn't get to), so she wanted to make sure she got to the hospital early enough to make sure the tub was all ready for me once i got there.  

for once i didn't wait to call until i was having contractions every 5 minutes.  i think i must have called colleen after we put the kiddos in bed probably around 8 p.m. at that time, contractions were still not painful, but i was definitely sure we would be meeting our baby that night. even though the contractions were still about 10-15 minutes apart, colleen decided to head to the hospital to get my tub ready.  i have to say that i'm very thankful to have had a very intuitive and attentive midwife.  she just knew there was no chance in labor stalling with me, and getting my room and tub ready early was pretty much the only way i was going to experience my waterbirth :).

i can't remember all the specifics between the phone call and the time we left for the hospital, but i knew we left around 10:30 p.m. because we had to wait for plan A-1 to take into effect (a.k.a. our super, awesome friend ami who has been plan A-1 since Gibson's pregnancy, but we never had to initiate it until now).  as we waited for ami to come over, i remember the contractions starting to make me grimace.  my sweet husband was very helpful in distracting me when i needed to be distracted, and provided silent support when i just needed to focus. it's funny that this time around, i didn't feel nervous at all about laboring or delivery (even with the possible risks related to the SUA).  God had really given me peace about the whole situation.

we got to the hospital at 11:00 p.m. and began the check-in process at the ER.  when one of the gals at the front-desk heard that my contractions were about 5-6 minutes apart and that this was my 4th child, she decided we didn't need to check-in and rushed us up to our room.  her words: "i'm not about to deal with a birth in the ER!"  i'm so glad, because i wouldn't want to do that either.

everything was ready to go once we arrived to the room.  all i had to do was change.  SO awesome!  i had to go through the usual hospital protocol of being hooked up to the fetal monitoring machine for 15 minutes, but after time was up it was taken off.  man, being stuck in that bed trying to go through your contractions, even if it was just for 15 minutes, was brutal.  i was very relieved when i could finally move around.

while i wasn't crying like a baby (ha!) during the contractions, they did require more from me in order to manage the pain compared to the other 3 births.  we skipped the hep-loc, because colleen is awesome that way.  just kidding.  but seriously, she told the attending nurse that i didn't need it since we wouldn't have enough time anyway.  haha. speaking of the attending nurse, she told me she was a doula before she became a nurse.  how cool is that?  last time i was in with cash, i had a nurse who gave birth naturally to all 6 of her kids.  this time around, i have a former doula??  God has perfect timing.

i was able to push on my own timing again like last time.  i pushed once on the bed.  then colleen told me that if i wanted a waterbirth i'd better get into the tub, because she had a feeling that on the next push the baby will be making her appearance.

walking to the tub felt like the longest walk ev.er. my brain was trying to tell my body to walk faster, but those dang contractions slow you down, don't they? 

the tub was fantastic.  warm and soothing.  throw in the dimmed lights, and you couldn't help but feel more relaxed.  even though my contractions were painful, the warmth and the bouyancy from the water helped a lot.  and once the contraction was over, i felt even more relaxed in the tub, and didn't feel anxious about how the next one would feel.  i don't even remember how frequent they were coming, although i only had maybe a couple more contractions before i was ready to push again.

on the second push, which was in the water, i could feel lani's little head.  being in the tub by yourself, and being consciously aware that you're about to meet your baby was crazy, out-of-this-world. i vaguely heard colleen's words as she coached me through pushing her head out and how to catch her in my arms. 

i saw her come out and caught her in my arms. i think that was one of the craziest feelings ever!  our little leilani juliati was born 18 minutes after we checked into the hospital. in the water.  my little mermaid. and oh she was so tiny and precious and perfect in every way.  what an overwhelming feeling it all was...to be involved in the whole process of delivering the baby.  one moment i was watching her make her entrance, and the next moment i was holding her close to me with the warm water surrounding us. i have to say, i am glad i was able to experience the waterbirth. and seriously...catching your own baby?  that's just crazy pants!  but it was awesome!

and the best part was that the peaceful bonding moment between us and our new baby didn't end right after birth.  colleen and the nurse were very respectful of our space.  i felt i had enough time to just take in my newborn baby before we cut the cord, and we had plenty of skin-to-skin time before they took her weight and length.  thinking back on it now, it seemed like everything was kinda chill and low-key after she was born.  nothing felt rushed.  everything was just at the right time.

i'm thankful that God met this funny desire of mine to have a waterbirth.  He didn't have to, and i would have been ok with that.  but He did and i'm so grateful for the experience.  it was a great reminder of His perfect design...everything from the pregnancy to the birth was perfectly planned and engineered by Him.  every ache and discomfort in my hips as the due date drew closer and closer, every painful contraction, the instincts in my body kicking in as birth was happening...all perfectly designed by Him.

but i'm most thankful for the precious little bundle that he gave us that day, and for the opportunity to be a mommy and daddy to another sweet baby. 

a cross country adventure

soooo....it has taken me over a month to finish writing this post.  ridiculous, i know!  

we've been in spokane for 51 days, and there has been a lot of emotional ups and downs dealing with the ohio house...and the waiting.  oh, the waiting!  aaron has already started work in seattle and he has been coming back to spokane during the weekends.  it's definitely not the ideal situation for our family, but just like any other challenge that's come our way, we have been able to deal and make things work.  we know that looking back a year or two from now, this will all seem like a piece of cake!  right?

*****

if you follow me on instagram, then you already know that we've made our cross country move.  it took us 6 nights to get from ohio to washington.  it was an interesting experience traveling with four kids crammed into a little MPV, but we all survived and had fun.

the movers came the day before we left to pack everything up.  that was when reality really hit me.  our move was really happening.  our home was a forest of cardboard boxes.  it felt full and empty all at the same time.

we spent that evening out with family and friends...saying our last good-byes.

photo credit: jenna 

photo credit: jenna

the next day we watched the movers load up all our stuff into the moving truck, and said good-bye to more friends and family.

by the end of the day, all the rooms were empty, the trunk of our car was packed to the brim, and our hearts were full from all the love and encouragement we received from everyone.

it was a little surreal when we finally pulled out of our driveway and said good-bye to our house.  there were lots of memories made there.  we brought home all our babies in that house.  we celebrated birthdays there, had cook-outs, enjoyed the company of friends and family, filled it with laughter, and shed tears of sadness and joy.

but we were ready.  ready for a new adventure.  ready for a new chapter.

here's the day by day experience...

DAY 1:

the original plan was to do a short 2 hour drive on the first day so that we can have some family time to reconnect with each other.  but since the movers didn't finish loading up until 5 p.m., we didn't even leave until 7.  SO...we decided drive all night.  talk about a LONG drive.  it was a little INSANE, but it ended up working out.

we rolled into minneapolis at 9 in the morning and bummed around a bit before checking into our hotel.  we found a nature center and the kids had a chance to check out some animals inside and then run around like wild things outside (they needed it!).  and then we had this crazy idea to check out mall of america.  wow.  that's all i will say about that.

the hotel was fantastic.  i think everyone loved the fact that they didn't have to spend the night sleeping in a car.  those beds were heaven!

DAY 2:

after our trek from cleveland to minneapolis, the 4 hour drive to fargo was a piece of cake.

my cousin nick and his wife heather were kind enough to take us in for the night on their farm.

we did take a little detour before we got to their house, which involved purchasing 3 bags of freddy's lefse at the grocery store.

it was great to visit with family that we haven't seen in a long, long time.  the kids have never met their uncle dan and aunt kay, some of their cousins or their great aunt kathy (except emma and gibson, but it was so long ago that i don't really count that).  what a treat to be able to get together with everyone.

DAY 3:

we spent another short day driving (4.5 hours), which was nice because we got to spend a little bit of time in the morning hanging out with heather and aunt kathy and didn't have to feel rushed about getting back on the road.

our final destination was the western end of north dakota in dickinson. oil country.  it's weird to see random oil pumps scattered across fields of (probably what used to be) farm land.  it's like a gold rush, except with oil.

i'm a little skeptical with this whole fracking thing...from what i've read it doesn't look like the long-term environmental impacts from fracking are great.  not to mention the community impact.  our hotel in dickinson was about $50 more than our hotel in minneapolis, plus it was smaller (studio suite in dickinson versus a 2 bedroom suite in minneapolis).  the front desk lady at the hotel we stayed said that rent here was ridiculous and just as expensive as living in seattle.  except...you're not in seattle.

but i digress.  we had plenty of time after we got in for a little dip in the pool.  it was a great way for the kids to burn some energy and get their appetites ready for dinner.

DAY 4:

after two short driving days in a row, the 7 hour drive to bozeman seemed long.  and after driving over halfway across the state, we realized that it's a pretty big state.  it seemed to go on forever.

but montana was the first state that we had mountain sightings.  that was an exciting sight, and emma and gibson were fascinated by the sight of REAL mountains (with snow caps and all).  i forgot how much i missed the mountain view until i actually saw it again.

we made a quick lunch stop about halfway through our trip at a teeny-tiny town which pretty much only offered a dairy queen as their prime restaurant hot spot, unless you want to grab lunch at a gas station. i think in hindsight, we should have just grabbed snacks at one of the gas stations, and stretched our legs in the parking lot.

we made it into bozeman close to dinner time.  we stayed at one of my most favorite houses ever: my uncle wayne and aunt lou's house.  thank you, thank you uncle wayne for taking us in!

the kids LOVED the fact that they were going to stay up on a "mountain."  the minute they got out of the car they wanted to climb "the mountain" behind my aunt and uncle's house.

we had a great dinner with more family, and the kids got to meet more cousins that they haven't meet/seen in a long time.  but dinner was when the fun ended, because aaron, emma and i spent the rest of the night leaned over the toilet seat or the garbage can (now you understand why i said we should have just grabbed the snacks at the gas station instead of eating at DQ). ugh.

DAY 5:

getting food poising/mystery stomach bug was definitely rough, and even gibson did not get away unscathed.  except his timing was not great.  we were already on the road and ended up having to make a clean-up stop to change his clothes and wipe down his car seat (picking up what i'm laying down?).  i'm just glad cash and lani didn't have any issues.  THAT would have been very bad.

did i already mention that montana is a very big state?  even on our last day of driving, we still had to drive through montana!  the overall trip from bozeman to spokane was uneventful.  everyone was still recovering from the day before so all we cared about was getting to our destination.

rolling into spokane felt a little weird.  it was strange to be back to the place where i spent the remaining years of my childhood (do you really count high school as childhood years?).  when i left it was just me.  and now i'm back with a whole crew.  but i know the kids will totally dig being in the house where mommy "grew up," and going to some of the places where mommy went to when she was a kid.

being in spokane means new beginnings are on the horizon.  this will be our stopping point until we get our house in ohio taken care of.  yes, it means it's another transition process, but with all the transitions we've been through the past 1-1.5 years what's another one to throw in?

we are anxious to see how God is going to work everything out.  i admit that it will definitely be another test on my patience (and i definitely need to work on that), but He has seen us through from the beginning of this whole moving process.  so i know that everything is already in place up to the very end...we just have to have faith and wait and see how He moves.

love overflows

our trip cross-country will be happening soon.  i feel like the month of march has been long and short all at the same time.  long because it seems like we are always working on the house to get it ready for sale.  short because there doesn't seem to be enough time to say good-bye and do all the things we want to do before we leave.

i didn't think that i would feel uprooted when the time came for us to move again.  but i do.  in the 8 years that we've lived here, there are roots that have formed and begun to grow deep into the earth.  relationships, places, community...there has been growth here for us.  transplanting will be a little hard (though i don't doubt that we will be just fine in our new environment).

since our decision to move, i've learned two things: 1. God is faithful. 2. God loves his children.

okay, i know those things already, but it's something else to really experience it. He has been so faithful in providing for us the things we need in regards to the move. all in His perfect timing, we have financially been able to take care of the important repairs needed for our house before we leave.

He has provided us with people to help us with our move in different ways.  our church family has stepped up and helped clean our home, fix a window, loaned us their car until we move (right now we only have one and having two allows for more flexibility), painted our upstairs...it reminded me of these verses.  it's like a family.  we share with each other, and help one another out. whatever is needed that need is met so that no one is in need of anything.  it's encouraging to see that lived out amidst our friends and church family.

we see God's love overflowing in our lives (not that it hasn't before), and i am humbled and amazed.  He has loved on us through pecan pie, get-togethers, words of love and encouragement through friends, prayer, tears and hugs.  it has been an overwhelming feeling, and has been a great reminder of God's character, His promises and His will for us.

emma's memory verse last week was from joshua 21:45: not one word of all the good promises that the LORD had made to the house of Israel had failed; all came to.  talk about a timely verse for us.  God came through on his promises for the Israelites, and He will come through on His promises for us.  all we need to do is walk by faith.

the track

i told my husband a while back that something big was going to happen to us.  i didn't know what, i didn't know when, and i didn't know how.  but i knew there was something...i just had this feeling.

i wrote about our crazy roller coaster ride of a year in july.  there have been lots of changes crammed into the past 18 months from aaron's new job location (resulting in an hour commute), ty relocating to seattle this past summer, having a baby, and knocking down our debt list to two more items (sans the house) to name a few.  things were happening, and i've been having this feeling lately that God was preparing something for us...something big.

and now folks, that something big has arrived.  we are moving.  moving back west.  back to where aaron and i first met.  back to when we began our journey together as husband and wife.  back to our beginning.  back to rain city.  full circle.

out of the 4 job opportunities within aaron's company that he interviewed for since we've been in cleveland, THIS seattle one is the one he got.  i don't think it's a coincidence that he got the job.  things have been falling into place for this very moment years before.  i can see that now.  it's like puzzle pieces coming together.  it was kind of like when we moved out here to cleveland.  things fell into place years before the move.  God is so good that way.

i find that God works change, at least for me, when i'm finally at peace with where i'm at, because that's when my heart is truly ready to follow his lead.  a friend told me that despite the ups and downs of a roller coaster, it always stays on the track.  i love that imagery, and one that i've not thought of before with roller coasters.  the ride itself is exciting, unpredictable, and exhilarating.  but it's always on a track.  even when we can't see what's ahead of us, God already has a plan in place.

it will be hard to leave.  i cried that first sunday at church after we found out we were moving.  it's so funny that after all these years of wanting to be back in seattle, it's harder than i thought to go back.  while i won't miss the winters here, i will miss the people.  beautiful, friendly, down-to-earth people.  cleveland is full of them.

there have been little pockets in my day, where i would just burst into tears thinking about leaving behind all the people we care about, or the moments that we'll miss that i thought we would be here for.  we will be leaving friends.  we will be leaving family.  we will be leaving friends that are like family.  that last good-bye is going to suck, big time. but the new adventure that lies before us is exciting. there will be more opportunities before us to do God's work.  there will be new friends.  there will be old friends and family re-united again.

and now, a new chapter unfolds...one that is familiar and new all at the same time.

stepping out of my bubble

earlier this month we had some friends over.  these friends hold a special place in my heart.  they have only been in this country for about 6-7 months.  they came here to seek refuge.  to rebuild. to start a new life.

about a year ago, our church had a flier posted about an opportunity to become a mentor for refugee families coming into the cleveland area. almost immediately i knew that i wanted to part of it.  in the summer, i went to a mentor training class (along with two other friends) hosted by building hope in the city and catholic charites (one of the largest resettlement agencies in northern ohio).  this was the first step in helping these families.

the mentor training class was pretty amazing.  there was a lot of information presented, which made me realize that i really didn't know a whole lot about refugee families.  i mean, i know but i don't know (does that make sense?).  i knew they had to endure a lot.  i knew that they couldn't go back home to their own country because of danger.  i knew that for some, there had been traumatic experiences they had to go through.  but i didn't really have a sense of just how much they had to endure.  i didn't know specifically, all the challenges they had to face as refugees even when they have been resettled to another country.  did you know that even if a family is resettled out of the camp to another country that they had to take out a travel loan in order to get to their final destination?  these are men, women, children, babies...they have lost their homes, they have lost their sense of security, they have lost their future, they have experienced loss and pain...they have nothing left but to look ahead.

as a mentor, we would be matched with a family that have been resettled in the cleveland area in the past 90 or so days.  more than likely, they know little to no english.  they come here with nothing, because there is no time to think about taking anything of "value" when thinking about your own and your family's safety.  as a mentor, we were there to support them and help them with the transition into the united states.  basic things that we take for granted are new to many of the families (like operating a stove, fire safety, etc.).  i remember thinking during the training class, "how in the world is all this going to work with a new baby on the way?  plus, we only have one car.  do we even have enough time for it?"  i debated whether or not to pull out of my commitment to mentor, because thinking about how everything was going to work out was so overwhelming. and quite frankly, it made me a uncomfortable and anxious.  but God made it clear that i should continue.  so i did.  and i'm so glad i listened.

we met our family in september (i think...details for dates are a little foggy).  there was a translator and an employee from catholic charities present along with our refugee family.  it was a family of 7.  a mom, dad, 3 kids, grandmother and dad's brother.  they were refugees from the country of bhutan who had been living in a camp in nepal for the last 20 years.  20. years.  their oldest daughter was around ty's age, which meant all their kids had never known anything apart from camp life.  i remember at one point, i fought back the urge to cry.  if it was hard for me thinking about what they had to go through to get here, i don't know what it must truly feel like for them.  i just wanted to hug them.

fast forward to the present.

the g. family seem like they've transitioned quite well.  they actually have family here, who came to the area from one of the camps 4 years ago.  i'm sure having other family members to connect with has made a huge difference in their transition.

we (myself and two other friends and sometimes emma) visit them once a week at their home. grandma cooks us dinner each time.  sometimes we help the kids with homework.  sometimes we help with their mail and other paperwork.  our goal right now is to try and take them out more often (since they don't have a car).  nothing fancy, but more practical outings like libraries, stores, etc.

we went on a family outing downtown.  there were escalator and elevator rides, a stroll by lake erie and watching airplanes go by at the airport.  there were definitely a lot of learning opportunities.

and finally, they came to our house for a christmas/new year celebration.  i can't tell you how excited i was to have them come!  after hosting us and feeding us every week in their home, it was our turn to host them.

we left the tree up, and put more presents under the tree for them to open. we shared a meal together, and served an indonesian dish of goat curry. for dessert, we decided to introduce something a little new: crepes with berries and nutella.  it went over quite well.  grandma was a bit suspicious of the crepes but thoroughly enjoyed the blueberries and raspberries.  it was a bit challenging to find a meal that was culturally appropriate and not too foreign to their taste buds, but it seemed to go over quite well.

we had a great time, and it still warms my heart thinking about that day.  there were plenty of smiles and laughter and new learning experiences.  i want them to come over again!  it was seriously awesome.

photo credit: sherrie tamunday.

despite what this family has gone through, they keep smiling through it all.  despite all the sacrifices they have made to get to where they are at this point, they don't complain.  they are strong, hard-working people with generous hearts.  they help keep me grounded. humble. they help remind me to appreciate all the amazing luxuries we have in this country, and to redefine the things in my life that i truly need.

opportunities abound to help your neighbors.  it doesn't have to be a refugee family.  i know i could have easily looked the other way, and convinced myself that having a new baby would have been a valid excuse to back out of helping.  i mean how would i even have time?  the baby would need my full attention, plus 3 other kids to tend to.  but how could i ignore God's leading?  helping someone out shouldn't be based on how convenient it is for you.  when you know someone needs help, then help.  it shouldn't be about reciprocity.  sometimes that may mean stepping out of your comfort zone.  and sometimes it means the person you help doesn't ever return the favor.

help with compassion in your heart and expect nothing in return. but i guess that's not really true.  because you will get something: joy, happiness, new relationships, and a transformed heart.

sandy's surprise

one week ago today was sandy's debut on the east coast.  it's weird to think that a week from that crazy storm day has passed already when so many parts of the east coast are still trying to recover from the wreckage and loss.

sandy even managed to reach us here in northeast ohio, though the mess she left behind was nothing compared to the devastation on the east coast.  there were huge pine trees uprooted, damage to roofs, and many neighborhoods lost power.

i wasn't prepared for our area to be so affected by it, especially after waiting for our power to return 24 hours after the storm came through.  we ended up losing power for 3 days (though there were others who lost power for almost a week).  the days were spent trying to generate heat from our gas stove and keeping the sink from overflowing with dirty dishes. 

emma made her own school activities during the outage.

the kids didn't seem overly affected by the loss of electricity, except for at night when they didn't have their white noise to lull the to sleep.  they spent the day doing many of the usual things, though we didn't do any of our school readings for the week since i needed the computer for it.  i tried to wear lani as much as i could so that she would stay warm, and i will say that i was SO thankful that all she needed for nourishment was my milk!

gibson completed another 24-piece puzzle.

 while the loss of power wasn't a pleasant experience, we weren't miserable.  make no mistake, 3 days without power with 4 young kids and no car during the day was no walk in the park, but we still managed to have fun and share a few laughs.  and here is the best part about losing our power: experiencing God's love.

enjoying some electricity and heat at the mall.

that's right. 

sometimes, it's easy for me to forget how much he truly cares for us.  he shows us he loves us (pursues us daily) in big and small ways, and sometimes i totally miss it!  when we lost power, we had friends and family that stepped up to help us and care for us.  homes for us to stay at were offered, freezers were made available to save our food, batteries were provided to charge our phones and the "can i get you anything?" messages were many.  clearly, we have some awesome people that love us.  but even more clear: God loves us.  there was no reason to be miserable during that time, because i was reminded every single day that he was with us.

roller coaster rides

i don't know about you, but i enjoy roller coaster rides.  they're fun.  they're exhilarating.  they keep me on the edge of my seat.

up.  down.  [scream]. up.  down. [scream].

thrilling, right?

but i'm always glad when the ride is over...ready for the break to catch my breath again.

i feel like this past year has been one long, giant roller coaster ride with hardly a break to catch my breath.  i've had ups and downs through out my lifetime, so it's nothing new.  i'm sure we've all had our ups and downs.  aaron and i have experienced ups and downs together, and we always get through it.

except it seemed like this past year there has been so many changes, things we've had to deal with one after another that we haven't felt like we've gotten off the ride yet.  that's one long ride.  i like roller coasters, but i'm ready to get off.

i don't mean to imply that this past year has been miserable, because it certainly hasn't been.  not at all.  but looking back and seeing how we've gone through the full spectrum of emotions for the past 12 or so months is pretty insane.  and exhausting!  so many different things came our way, one after another.  and when we thought we were almost done, one more thing would come up.  like i said, looking back at it all makes me feel exhausted.

i don't know that we'll get off this particular ride any time soon.  it may slow down, but i don't see us getting off for a breather just yet.  there's more change to come...like having this baby in the next few weeks!  that will be a big change.

i do think change is a good thing.  in fact, the more i think about it, "good" or "bad," change always ends up being a good thing.  changes that affect your life can put you on an exciting (usually unpredictable) roller coaster ride.  when it happens to us, we just go with it.  but i do admit that while you're on that unpredictable ride, it can be challenging emotionally and physically.

i am one that likes change.  i get antsy when i feel too settled.  so on the whole, i am always open to change.  sometimes, change is hard, tedious or stressful, but i think it's worth it in the end.

change helps me draw closer to God.  it builds and strengthens my relationship with him.  it strengthens my faith.  i put my complete trust in him and that sometimes means big changes in my life.  change allows for personal growth.  change allows the Lord to transform me on the inside. 

while we may not know how long this loop de loop ride will last, we are trying our best to embrace it.  to take it day by day.  even though we can't quite see what lies before us, we know that God is right beside us leading the way.  and in that, i find peace and rest.

and the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.

 isaiah 58:11

growth

i had a 3rd trimester ultrasound yesterday.

it's not something most pregnant mamas get...i think most only get the one around 19 or 20 weeks.

i had my first (and i thought only) ultrasound at 22 weeks.  but they found something...different.

my umbilical cord only had 2 vessels.  umbilical cords usually have 2 arteries and 1 vein.  the vein carries oxygenated blood and nutrients from the mother's blood supply by way of the placenta to the baby.  the 2 arteries carry nutrient-less, deoxygenated blood and the baby's waste from baby back to the placenta and into the mother's bloodstream where she can dispose of it through her system.  really, the umbilical cord's basic functions are to bring nourishment and oxygen to the baby.

the technical term for my condition is called single umbilical artery (SUA).  it means that instead of having the 2 arteries that carries out all the waste and deoxygenated blood i only have 1.  it's a rare condition and only happens to 1% of pregnant women.  yes, folks...1% of all pregnant mothers and it happens to me.  huh. kind of like having the e antibody.  rare an uncommon seem to be the theme for this pregnancy.

one obvious complication from having this type of condition is that there could be a higher risk of baby not getting enough oxygen through out the remainder of the pregnancy.  labor can also be a higher risk for baby since contractions limit the amount of oxygen the baby gets (pitocin probably  makes it worse since it intensifies contractions and speeds up labor).  sometimes, SUA is associated with other structural and chromosomal abnormalities in the baby and growth restriction.  if the ultrasound finds any abnormalities including heart, brain, and bone abnormalities then the risk for chromosomal abnormalities goes up by 50%.  chromosomal abnormalities include trisomy 13, trisomy 18 and VERTA association (vertebral defects, anal atresia, tracheosophageal fistula with esophageal atresia and radial dysplasia).  however if SUA is an isolated incident with no other abnormalities found in the ultrasound then the risk for any chromosomal abnormalities is very low (0-2.6%).

the 22 week ultrasound indicated that our sweet babe was healthy with no other abnormalities aside from the SUA detected.  a fetal echocardiogram was recommended in addition to a 3rd trimester ultrasound.  the fetal echocardiogram checks to make sure there are no heart issues with the fetus.  we decided to decline based on the 22 week ultrasound results and the fact that there is really nothing you can do for the baby until he/she is born.  terminating the pregnancy because of abnormalities, genetic disorders or the like is out of the question so it would be a "waste" of money and resources for us to do the fetal echocardiogram.  the reasoning behind the 3rd trimester ultrasound was to check baby's growth, since SUA has been associated with low birthweight and a higher chance of stillbirth.  however, based on feedback from my midwife and other sources i've read if you have an isolated condition of SUA then there really isn't a problem.

i would have been fine without the 3rd trimester ultrasound.  especially since at my last visit i was measuring big (no growth problem there).  baby's movements have also been regular so as of now there is no concern for stillbirth.  but i suppose it's a nice (and expensive) treat to be able to "see" my sweet baby again.  and of course on the off-chance that a stilbirth does happen, then...well, i don't really want to think about that but, you know...

praise God, everything was fine.  baby is 3 lbs and some change, and i'm measuring right where i'm supposed to be (maybe 2 days ahead).  i almost cried seeing that sweet baby face on the screen and watching his heart beat.  i love this little one already and have yet to meet her.  it really doesn't matter whether he will be born with abnormalities or not.  we will love you just the same, little one!

we put our trust in the one who created our sweet babe.  the one who created each and everyone of us.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,  

intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them the days that were formed for me when as yet there was none of them.

psalm 139: 13-16

there is no doubt in my mind that whatever happens with this pregnancy that the Lord has it under control. no amount of tests and monitoring will make any difference on the outcome of this pregnancy.

we put it all in God's hands and wait.  wait and see what he has planned for us.

for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

jeremiah 29:11

****

 

more on SUA (in case you happen to be among the 1% or are just interested in finding out more):

• SUA and intrauterine growth restriction, stillbirth, and congenital anomalies
• SUA risk factors and outcomes
• pregnancy outcome with SUA diagnosis
• SUA and increased risk of anomalies
• pregnancy outcome in isolated SUA.  quote from study: we concluded that pregnancies with isolated SUA have a similar rate of SGA (small gestational age) to those with 3VC (3 vessel cord).
• there are many, many more studies done related to SUA.  the NCBI (national center for biotechnology information) website has tons of literature on SUA.

school days: easter round-up

first off, let me tell you that i am WAY behind on posting school related stuff.  i had this big plan laid out in my head about posting each time we completed a lapbook/unit study but 3 (or is it 4?  maybe it's 5?) studies later i have gotten nowhere.

i might as well start with one of our more recent ones: easter.

to tell you the truth, we didn't do any background study on the origins and background of easter except for the fact that it's the time when we celebrate jesus' resurrection.  maybe next year, i'll get my act together and we can do a bit more discussion on the origins of easter.

we did however, address the topic of lent, and why some folks choose to participate in lent and the reason why it was created in the first place.  we made a very simple lent lapbook.  nothing elaborate, but just enough for the season.

the cover page i made myself.  inside, there's a countdown to easter/lenten calendar sheet which i printed from here.  i printed out stations of the cross cards (you can find those here) to look through and discuss.  the right side of the lapbook provides some basic information on lent (you can google "lent" or "lent traditions" and you'll find lots of information on it).

no one in our family gave up anything for lent, but we did collect change through out lent for remember nhu, an organization based out of akron, ohio which helps prevent girls from entering the sex trade.  [sexual exploitation/sexual abuse of young girls is more prevalent than i realized, and it breaks my heart reading about it.  especially since i have a sweet girl of my own.]  we still have to count out the money, but after we do we'll send that amount (in check form) to the organization.  in addition to remember nhu, check out mtv exit and love146 if you are interested in finding out more about human trafficking and how you can help make a difference.

this year, we started a "jesus tree."  it's quite similar to the jesse tree that we do for christmas, but it's for easter.  you can make your own simple jesus tree by going here or purchase a more detailed version here.

i did a DIY version of the resurrection eggs this year.  i had been meaning to try that last year, but didn't end up getting around to it. this is where i found some great directions on how to put together your very own resurrection eggs.

the only thing i had to buy were the plastic eggs, and everything else i managed to put together from stuff around the house, including the die which i made out of paper from this source.  of course you can always purchase them if you're not feeling so crafty (or simply short on time).

we had planned to do the resurrection cookies again this year like we did last year...

but time slipped by us so quickly saturday night that we didn't get around to it.  emma suggested that we should make them anyway...and i have to say that i agree with her.  it's not like easter is the only time you should learn about the resurrection.  i received the recipe and bible verses that go along with making the cookies from a friend, but i think this site is pretty much the same as my recipe.

as for egg dyeing (which has been a staple activity in our household each year)...ummm...we kind of forgot to do that too.  i even bought extra eggs and more food coloring.  oh well.  next year, i won't be spending the extra time putting together the resurrection eggs and the jesus tree ornaments, so we i should have more prep time for the cookies and the eggs.  should being the operative word here.

i felt convicted after reading this post a while back, and realized we intentionally do more activities and such for christmas than we do for easter.  both are equally important.  without the birth we would have no resurrection.  without the resurrection we would not have eternal life.  quite frankly, the only thing we've really done each year is dye eggs, make resurrection cookies on saturday night, and give the kiddos some sweet treats sunday morning.  compared to the thought and preparation of our christmas "traditions" i think that's pretty Lame with a capital L. 

i'm hoping that some of the new easter traditions we started this year will be something that we do every year.  they are simple, (hopefully) timeless and helps prepare our hearts for the most amazing thing God has ever done for his people.