10 years later

last thursday, we celebrated 10 years of marriage.

10 years.

the first thing that came to mind (for both of us) was that one clip from grosse pointe blank...


ha! i know, i know, not really romantic, but that's how we roll sometimes.

this is actually our first anniversary where we got to celebrate it in the city where we first met and tied the knot.  it's kind of funny to think how we have made it full circle...back to the very beginning of our life together.

we spent a lovely morning at the place where we said "i do." well, not the exact spot.  it was raining on our wedding day, so a last minute plan b was instituted instead exchanging our vows on top of kite hill as originally planned.  but, hey!  hiccups in your plan sometimes make for the best stories, right?

my dear sister and her fiancee came over for the evening so that we could enjoy some time together celebrating 10 years. probably one of the best gifts couple with young kids could receive: a night out together.  it was a great evening spent at one of our favorite restaurants, reflecting and reminiscing over the past 10 years.  my heart was full (and so was my belly!).

looking back on our life together, i am thankful to be able to share it with my man. i'm not going to pretend that it was perfect.  there were hard times, there were good times, there was bliss, there was heartbreak, there were tears, there was laughter, and there was everything in between. but what makes this whole marriage-life journey so sweet is that i get to share it with him.

happy 10 years, my love, my best friend, my partner in crime...thank you for loving me unconditionally, encouraging me, supporting me, and making me feel beautiful everyday.

on 8 years ago today (a few weeks late)

before june is officially over, i think i need to post about my june children's birthdays, don't you think? so, let's just pretend we went back in time to june 12, 2014.  it really wasn't that long ago...

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dearest emma,

how is it that we just celebrated your 8th birthday? every year, i think to myself, "where did the time go? wasn't she just a little baby?"

when you woke up in the morning, i asked you if you felt any different now that you were 8.  your practical, clear-headed response: "not really.  i pretty much feel the same, except now i am just one year older." silly me, for asking!

i'm thankful that i get to be home with you, and that we can "do school" together.  you are a bright, articulate, and creative girl, and it has been a pleasure to watch you first-hand as you learned and grew intellectually as we journeyed through the homeschooling adventure together this past year.  i'm glad that you still want to continue on this adventure with me next year, because i'm having fun and learning so much, just like you!

one of the things i enjoy is hearing the excitement in your voice when you've made some sort of new discovery (or sometimes a re-discovery of something that you've forgotten about).  whether it's finding a little "nest" of rolly-polly bugs in the back yard, figuring out how to hand-sew a fabric pocket, or gleaning information from your current book, the excited chatter that comes out of your mouth makes me smile (and also very excited for you).

i know i sometimes tell you already, but let's have it officially in writing, ok? i appreciate the love, affection, patience and kindness you show to your brothers and sister.  i think that many times, you have more patience than me when it comes to helping your brothers, and the motherly-attention you provide for your baby sister is something that i absolutely love watching.  you and your sister have such a special bond (not that you don't have your own special bonds with your brothers, of course), and i know she absolutely loves her big sister.

you have a compassionate and generous heart, and it shows by your willingness to often share your things with your siblings.  you have even gone so far as to offer some of your own money to help your mommy and daddy pay for things. you love making things for other people, and i know it brings you great joy when you are able to gift some of your creations or treasures.

i hope that your 8th year will be filled with many more wonderful discoveries and learning experiences.  keep pursuing what interests you, and don't be afraid to go where God calls you to go, even if it may seem wacky to other people (or your parents).  we love you and are thankful that we can be a part of your life.

happiest 8th birthday, sweet girl!

love,
mommy (and daddy)

:: 36/12 ::

my dearest baby cash,

wait...can i even call you baby anymore?  you turned three today, so really you're not a baby anymore are you?  i know you'd rather be called a big boy.  especially now that you're in REAL underwear.

but i want you to stay my baby. remember when you were a baby?  that first time i met you, with that sweet newborn smell...oh man, how could i forget that?  i loved all the snuggles, and having you close to me pretty much all the time. 

you are such a sweet and precious boy.  you wear your heart on your sleeve, and aren't afraid to show us how you really feel. ever.

you hold your own with the rest of the "pack," and i think the time when emma and gibson can pretty much tell you what to do will soon come to an end.  and that's okay.  i love seeing you grow and discover who you are as your own person.

you are loving at heart, whether it's smothering your baby sister with affection or wanting to be cradled in my arms (still! and i'm totally cool with that, by the way).  to be quite honest, i kind of like the times when you sneak into our bed in the middle of the night, even though sometimes it means feet in my face or a random hand smooshing my nose.  it just reminds me of those baby times when i would have you close by. 

you know that mommy and daddy LOVE you so much.  SO MUCH.  i hope that your year as a three year old will be full of adventure, joy, exploration and growth. 

we love you sweet boy, and are so thankful you are a part of our family. happy birthday!

love you forever,
mommy

2013 recap

well, everybody's doing it, so i think i'm going to join in too.

a look back at 2013...

we kicked of the year with a potential job transfer for my husband, which would move us back to seattle. by march we were preparing for our big move cross-country, and in april we said good-bye to our beloved CLE.  after almost 8 years, God said it was time to go back.  back to where it all began.

as we waited for our cleveland house to sell, the kids and i made our temporary home in spokane, wa with my parents, while aaron spent his weekdays in seattle working and his weekends in spokane (about 250 miles one-way trip for him) with us.

gibson, emma, leilani and i celebrated birthdays at ibu and grandpa's house.  gibson and emma both got to pick out their very own birthday cake with ibu.  i didn't get to pick mine, but emma designed one for me, which was very sweet. and little leilani celebrated her first birthday with a yummy birthday brownie cake, which she devoured.

when daddy was back on the weekends we enjoyed being able to explore the area.  some favorites included hanging out at lake couer d'alene, strawberry picking, the carousel ride, doing the caber toss at the spokane highland games, and an afternoon at wonderland family fun center for some mini golfing. it was a funny feeling to be back in the city where i spent my high school years, but this time with a family.  kind of a weird nostalgia...if that even makes sense.

after 5 months of trying to sell our house, it was clear that God did not want that home sold.  although we had been enjoying the time exploring spokane and having our kids get to know their ibu and grandpa better, it was time to take an alternate approach with our home so that our family can be re-united again. 

within 2 weeks of deciding to rent the place, we found someone.  it was an answer to our prayers.  even though things didn't work out how we imagined it, i firmly believe it worked out the way God had planned it.  and God's plans for us, based on our past experiences, have turned out to be the best plans for us, even if it isn't always easy.

in september, we were all finally living under the same roof again.  we found a little house to rent that overlooks lake washington, and i admit that it's a pretty sweet view out there (minus the telephone lines).  what a treat to be back in seattle and living in a place with a lake view...a girl can get spoiled that way.

i think everyone was happy to finally have access to all their stuff, and be able to sleep in our own beds again.  the kids are back to their usual antics, and i think we are slowly settling in. 

we have had fun exploring the city with our kids, and being able to hang out with my sisters and brother.  there have been so many great memories made already, and i'm sure there will be more to come.

i guess 2013 gave us what we've always had every year...ups and downs.  granted some years may be tougher than others, but i think the past few years for us have been tough.  thankfully, we don't have to let the tough parts in our lives over-shadow our experience of a whole year.  each year, we can find moments of joy and happiness, and those are the ones i want to cling to.  i don't want to forget the challenging parts either, because those experiences have helped shape me into the person i am at this point in time.  BUT, the joyful moments (big and small) are the ones i will cherish and remember most: happy faces, giggles of delight, snuggles, kisses, dates with my man, the shower of blessings we received from our friends during our moving process, one step closer to becoming debt-free, baby feet, coffee, chocolates, sushi, a certain little boy that likes to join us in bed in the wee hours of the morning, family time, silly time, church, and warm socks.

so farewell, au revoir, auf widersehen, adios, and ciao 2013.  thanks for the memories, but now it's time to look ahead...

happy new year, everyone! 

i can't wait until christmas is over

there.  i said it.  it's out.  i know, it sounds very scrooge-like, doesn't it?

it's christmas eve. i remember as a kid feeling so excited when december 24th rolled around, because the next day was the day that i got to finally dig into the pile of presents under the tree.  now, the truth is, i can't help but look forward to christmas being over.

well...that's how i feel some days.  the holiday season is probably the most challenging time of year for our family.  every year.  for maybe the past 10 years.

once the month of december starts, i pretty much don't see my husband until christmas.  we pretty much write-off the month of december.  i mean, i get it.  he's in a job where the busiest time of year just happens to be christmas time (kind of like accountants have their busiest time during tax season). but it can get hard.  yes, there's the hard part of single-parenting it for 2 weeks, and the lack of sleep (mostly for aaron), and watching the kids only see their dad one or two days a week for 2 weeks straight, and not really being able to make any holiday plans, and being totally beat by the time christmas rolls around so that you don't want to do anything but sit around in your pajama pants and eat cookies all day.  and of course this year, my husband gets to work christmas day.  what a treat! and you wonder why i can't wait until christmas is over.

but whatever.  we can make plans for family gatherings another day (i like thanksgiving because we get to share a big feast with our extended family).  the kids are very understanding, and post-christmas they get to see him more often again.  and who says we have to do the present opening stuff on the 25th?  that isn't what defines christmas anyway. 

no, that's not really the hard part.  the hardest part is keeping myself from becoming bitter, grumpy, and turning into a full-blown grinchy scrooge.  those holiday songs about christmas being the most wonderful time of the year, gathering with family, blah, blah, blah.  i really can't relate anymore.  it's busy, exhausting and trying.  every year.  how can i think it's the most wonderful time of the year full of happiness and cheer?  my husband is working on christmas not because he is saving lives, helping people in need or serving the community.  he's working on christmas day because he is serving the needs of others who must have their christmas presents on christmas day otherwise it will be ruined forever.

see, right there, that kind of attitude, is what i have to watch for every year.  fight it off.  repel it with an anti-scrooge repellent.  but i feel it trying to creep in.  every year, i sense it trying to get its foot in the door all sneaky-like.  and if i'm not careful, it will let itself in and completely consume me.  then i really will turn into scrooge-grinch lady.

after writing this out, i now see how i've managed to keep from being bitter about christmas.  no, it's not the anti-scrooge repellent.  it's because i have hope.  as a family, we celebrate christmas because it is the birth of jesus.  god, who humbled himself to take on human form so that he can grow up for the sole purpose of sacrificing his own life for us.  no matter who we are or what we've done. no matter how much i've screwed up, i can be confident in the fact that god will forgive me and loves me...to the point that he gave up his life for me.  how can i be grumpy, when i think about that?  christmas is just the beginning of the celebration. 

i'm not going to lie, some days are still going to suck, and i'll probably find myself looking forward to christmas being over, but i know what makes our christmas wonderful.  i can still find little bits of joy scattered through out the holiday season, because i have hope and peace thanks to god and his work in me. 

we have been preparing our hearts all month long, and tomorrow we celebrate.  big or small, all day, half the day...it doesn't really matter.  go have yourself a merry little christmas.  because i sure will.

a cross country adventure

soooo....it has taken me over a month to finish writing this post.  ridiculous, i know!  

we've been in spokane for 51 days, and there has been a lot of emotional ups and downs dealing with the ohio house...and the waiting.  oh, the waiting!  aaron has already started work in seattle and he has been coming back to spokane during the weekends.  it's definitely not the ideal situation for our family, but just like any other challenge that's come our way, we have been able to deal and make things work.  we know that looking back a year or two from now, this will all seem like a piece of cake!  right?

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if you follow me on instagram, then you already know that we've made our cross country move.  it took us 6 nights to get from ohio to washington.  it was an interesting experience traveling with four kids crammed into a little MPV, but we all survived and had fun.

the movers came the day before we left to pack everything up.  that was when reality really hit me.  our move was really happening.  our home was a forest of cardboard boxes.  it felt full and empty all at the same time.

we spent that evening out with family and friends...saying our last good-byes.

photo credit: jenna 

photo credit: jenna

the next day we watched the movers load up all our stuff into the moving truck, and said good-bye to more friends and family.

by the end of the day, all the rooms were empty, the trunk of our car was packed to the brim, and our hearts were full from all the love and encouragement we received from everyone.

it was a little surreal when we finally pulled out of our driveway and said good-bye to our house.  there were lots of memories made there.  we brought home all our babies in that house.  we celebrated birthdays there, had cook-outs, enjoyed the company of friends and family, filled it with laughter, and shed tears of sadness and joy.

but we were ready.  ready for a new adventure.  ready for a new chapter.

here's the day by day experience...

DAY 1:

the original plan was to do a short 2 hour drive on the first day so that we can have some family time to reconnect with each other.  but since the movers didn't finish loading up until 5 p.m., we didn't even leave until 7.  SO...we decided drive all night.  talk about a LONG drive.  it was a little INSANE, but it ended up working out.

we rolled into minneapolis at 9 in the morning and bummed around a bit before checking into our hotel.  we found a nature center and the kids had a chance to check out some animals inside and then run around like wild things outside (they needed it!).  and then we had this crazy idea to check out mall of america.  wow.  that's all i will say about that.

the hotel was fantastic.  i think everyone loved the fact that they didn't have to spend the night sleeping in a car.  those beds were heaven!

DAY 2:

after our trek from cleveland to minneapolis, the 4 hour drive to fargo was a piece of cake.

my cousin nick and his wife heather were kind enough to take us in for the night on their farm.

we did take a little detour before we got to their house, which involved purchasing 3 bags of freddy's lefse at the grocery store.

it was great to visit with family that we haven't seen in a long, long time.  the kids have never met their uncle dan and aunt kay, some of their cousins or their great aunt kathy (except emma and gibson, but it was so long ago that i don't really count that).  what a treat to be able to get together with everyone.

DAY 3:

we spent another short day driving (4.5 hours), which was nice because we got to spend a little bit of time in the morning hanging out with heather and aunt kathy and didn't have to feel rushed about getting back on the road.

our final destination was the western end of north dakota in dickinson. oil country.  it's weird to see random oil pumps scattered across fields of (probably what used to be) farm land.  it's like a gold rush, except with oil.

i'm a little skeptical with this whole fracking thing...from what i've read it doesn't look like the long-term environmental impacts from fracking are great.  not to mention the community impact.  our hotel in dickinson was about $50 more than our hotel in minneapolis, plus it was smaller (studio suite in dickinson versus a 2 bedroom suite in minneapolis).  the front desk lady at the hotel we stayed said that rent here was ridiculous and just as expensive as living in seattle.  except...you're not in seattle.

but i digress.  we had plenty of time after we got in for a little dip in the pool.  it was a great way for the kids to burn some energy and get their appetites ready for dinner.

DAY 4:

after two short driving days in a row, the 7 hour drive to bozeman seemed long.  and after driving over halfway across the state, we realized that it's a pretty big state.  it seemed to go on forever.

but montana was the first state that we had mountain sightings.  that was an exciting sight, and emma and gibson were fascinated by the sight of REAL mountains (with snow caps and all).  i forgot how much i missed the mountain view until i actually saw it again.

we made a quick lunch stop about halfway through our trip at a teeny-tiny town which pretty much only offered a dairy queen as their prime restaurant hot spot, unless you want to grab lunch at a gas station. i think in hindsight, we should have just grabbed snacks at one of the gas stations, and stretched our legs in the parking lot.

we made it into bozeman close to dinner time.  we stayed at one of my most favorite houses ever: my uncle wayne and aunt lou's house.  thank you, thank you uncle wayne for taking us in!

the kids LOVED the fact that they were going to stay up on a "mountain."  the minute they got out of the car they wanted to climb "the mountain" behind my aunt and uncle's house.

we had a great dinner with more family, and the kids got to meet more cousins that they haven't meet/seen in a long time.  but dinner was when the fun ended, because aaron, emma and i spent the rest of the night leaned over the toilet seat or the garbage can (now you understand why i said we should have just grabbed the snacks at the gas station instead of eating at DQ). ugh.

DAY 5:

getting food poising/mystery stomach bug was definitely rough, and even gibson did not get away unscathed.  except his timing was not great.  we were already on the road and ended up having to make a clean-up stop to change his clothes and wipe down his car seat (picking up what i'm laying down?).  i'm just glad cash and lani didn't have any issues.  THAT would have been very bad.

did i already mention that montana is a very big state?  even on our last day of driving, we still had to drive through montana!  the overall trip from bozeman to spokane was uneventful.  everyone was still recovering from the day before so all we cared about was getting to our destination.

rolling into spokane felt a little weird.  it was strange to be back to the place where i spent the remaining years of my childhood (do you really count high school as childhood years?).  when i left it was just me.  and now i'm back with a whole crew.  but i know the kids will totally dig being in the house where mommy "grew up," and going to some of the places where mommy went to when she was a kid.

being in spokane means new beginnings are on the horizon.  this will be our stopping point until we get our house in ohio taken care of.  yes, it means it's another transition process, but with all the transitions we've been through the past 1-1.5 years what's another one to throw in?

we are anxious to see how God is going to work everything out.  i admit that it will definitely be another test on my patience (and i definitely need to work on that), but He has seen us through from the beginning of this whole moving process.  so i know that everything is already in place up to the very end...we just have to have faith and wait and see how He moves.